Yesterday morning I woke up with a migraine. I get them occassionally. I have also had nausea with this one, which I don't usually get. I came home from work early yesterday and took to the sofa. I tried to watch Monday Night Football, but didn't even have the ability to focus on a football game. My head was pounding, I was fighting the urge to vomit, and I was shivering because I was so cold.
This reminded me of so many days I spent while I was still out there "having fun" and "enjoying life" - in other words, drinking alcoholically (sp?) I cannot even fathom the idea of getting this sick voluntarily!
When I think of the young woman I once was it makes me so sad. To think of a beautiful young woman (I can say that now about myself - past tense) spending entire days in bed, shaking, vomiting, waking up in a pool of urine, with a head hurting so bad I wished I could die. And then going and doing the same thing the next night. It is amazing. And so sad.
While I was suffering so terribly with this disease called alcoholism, I felt so much guilt, remorse, and shame. I didn't realize that I had no more control over the course of my illness than I have over gravity, or whether the sun will come up in the morning.
I just thank God that I found Alcoholics Anonymous and admitted I was powerless over alcohol and have not had to be that sick for over 21 years now. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
1 comment:
I wish you the best. If you are not alcoholic, you should not have too hard of a time of quitting. If you are alcoholic, I am afraid you have a long road ahead of you.
Yes, AA is about being powerless over alcohol. Do you see any irony here? I have not had a drink in over 21 years and I admit I am powerless over alcohol. You have a terrible hangover and the remorse that goes with it, and yet you proclaim that you are able to quit.
I truly hope that you are right. For me, it was like standing in front of a freight train and trying to stop it. As an alcoholic, I may be able to stop for periods of time, but once I drink, I cannot control the amount I drink or what will happen. Or as some of us say - I didn't get in trouble every time I drank, but every time I got in trouble, I was drunk. Back to the train analogy, admitting I am powerless over alcohol is like admitting a train will go by and stepping off the tracks instead of trying to stop the train.
Best Wishes to you.
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