This is the 1605th time I have sat down at my computer to post something on this blog. Sometimes I have been anxious to write about something in particular. Sometimes I have been happy to write something just to connect with my blogging friends. At other times I have just done it out of habit or commitment or something - but I do post every day. Last night I just had not one thing to say. Oh, I could have complained about work. Or I could have told you how grateful I was for a good hairdresser and a lovely hair color and new cut. I could have written about American Idol because I love that show for some unfathomable reason. I could have written about a bunch of other things if people I know didn't read my blog.
This morning I was tempted to write about the fact that we in AA are living in the process or the hope of a spiritual experience - and then we try to quantify that. Believe me, no one likes to quantify things more than I, but this is something that cannot be reduced to formulas, recipes, or equations. But that is what most of us do. And every single time I write about this, which I have done more than once, it is misunderstood and then I wonder why I bother. Like a great AA speaker I heard once said "God created man in his image, and then we, unfortunately, returned the favor."
So, suffice it to say that it is a long dark January. My workplace is difficult. I am having some difficulty with a sponsee that puts me in a position where I am going to have to make a decision about the future of our relationship that I would rather not make.
I will now get on the treadmill and then "suit up and show up" for work. Hopefully today I will not have to retreat to my office to close the door and cry as I did yesterday. And to think that we all thought it would get better after the first of the year!
I have a deep and abiding faith that God has me just where I need to be and that I just need to have faith in that.
12 comments:
I think I get what you are saying about the spiritual process. If there were a formula/recipe we all would get it in the same way and in the same time.
It'll all work out in the end. If it hasn't worked out yet, it isn't the end.
Some days when I blog I just do a verbal dump of whatever is on top of my brain. I, ultimately, blog for me, to get the crap out, to put down in writing the gratitude and growth, to share whatever I can that I am experiencing and to entertain myself when I get goofy-brained. I hope you don't cry in your office today. I hope you find something really funny to laugh at..a big belly laugh that makes snot come out your nose.
namaste
I've been having troubvle myself. I don't know what to write these days. But I'm glad you're here. I love checking up on you.
I look forward to the next 1605 as well.
I don't know why it's been so difficult for me to get back to daily blogging - actually, I do but it will be interesting.
Blessings and aloha...
Just wanted to say thank you for your posts.
They are 'preciated.
MC, the "formula" for me is the 12 steps. But like you said, it isn't something that can be quantified in terms of time, skill, IQ, etc. It is truly a fourth dimension that I am working towards.
Yours was among the first blogs that I ever read. And I believe that I have read all 1605 of your posts. Thanks for being here every day. I appreciate it more than you know.
Mine today was 3,040.
One post at a time!
Someone once said, "When the sky is darkest we can best see the stars." When I'm feeling down, I try to think about what I am grateful for and remind myself that things will be better. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, that we're exactly where we're supposed to be and that there's always a lesson. Hang in there. Better times are on the way!
New do?
New color?
Yeah that will chase a few blues away!
count your many blessings, then blog about them
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