Having been to my morning meeting, then having come home and run 5 miles on my treadmill (because the weather outside is frightful), and then having eaten the above lunch (homemade chili and a quesadilla), I am ready to settle down for a long winter's nap. I am struggling with blogging again. I guess if you do something for 4 and a half years, you are bound to struggle occasionally. It all seems so self-indulgent. I guess I am reacting to some behavior of another blogger that has turned my stomach, and I watch the rest of the blogosphere go fawning over. It makes me want to just walk away in despair. But really it is none of my business. But to me it devalues what we do... if it is all about attention seeking and playing games and hide and seek and peekaboo.
I guess I want you AA guys and gals to really be sober. I guess I want you to really be practicing these principles in all your affairs. Which means I am out of my mind with unrealistic expectations. Except for those bloggers who have become my friends. They are the real deal, and I dearly love them. And I guess that is reason enough to be here.
Last night I picked up my daughter and drove my new 4 wheel drive vehicle through the snow to a meeting where a friend was celebrating 8 years of continuous sobriety. He happens to be the other shadow in my profile picture. I have known him since he got sober. As he recalls it, I was at his first meeting, but I don't recall that. That's OK. The point is, he is sober. He is serious about being sober and has been since day 1. It was so nice to be there. It was so nice to see some old friends. And it was so nice to be at an AA meeting where they actually talked about AA stuff.
As I posted the photo of hot chili on this post I thought of another blogger who described my blog as "comforting, like a bowl of warm potato soup." I thought that was a weird way to describe a blog... and I thought that perhaps that bowl of potato soup might have razor blades in it some days... because that seems to be what my blog is like.
I am grateful for some of you who love me anyway. XXXOOO
10 comments:
I had enough sugar-coated crap in my pre-Alanon days. I believed it and hung around people who believed it. Today, I want what is real. I want what has texture. That is why I read your blog. I can identify with your days, your moods, your challenges, etc. We might be in different rooms but I can still identify. Your blogging helps me in the day to day stuff. I'll get off my box now.
Namaste
I've never tasted razor blades. Yet.
Ya know, letting other people be where they are has been one of the biggest lessons in my first 6 years of being sober.
You are having a day of second guessing yourself. And getting disgusted with the BS/games people play..but to last over 4 years, and have a distinct voice is an accomplishment. I've gotten to where I can read a new blog, and predict how long it will last.
I just keep blogging. I am not really sure why, except it's what I do. That's usually enough.
I keep coming back because I love your honesty and appreciate you blogging in all kinds of weather.
I like bacon crumbled on my potato soup. I'd like to sit and have a bowl of potato soup with you.
Sometimes I sit and stare at the screen for 30 minutes in the morning and not a single thing comes to my mind.
I agree with what Lou said too.
I know what you are talking about. There are false individuals though every where in this world. I just see them and realize that I don't want to be like them. It is on their conscience and not mine. The truth always wins out in the end MC.
As usual I have no idea what or who you are talking about.
I love your blog. I love what you have to share. I love what the AA program has done for you and how you share that in your life.
I hope you find some peace and happiness in that process somewhere.
Blessings and aloha...
The truth I suppose is that we are all human and have to learn to get along.
That image of a bowl of soup with hidden razor blades is going to haunt me all day. I don't think of your blog as being like that.
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