This morning I woke up and realized that there was no possible way I could run 7 miles and get to work before 10 o'clock (an hour which is totally unacceptable), so I put off my run until tonight. I drove to a nearby park and headed out, not counting up how long my run would take and how much sunlight there was left. The sun started heading behind the mountains when I was about 2 miles out, so I headed back to my car. I got in another mile after I got back to my car... and then I did two on the treadmill at home.
I guess I would be extremely repetitive if I told you that I am no longer enjoying this. At all. People have asked me why I am continuing with my training if I am hating it. I ask myself that about 50 times a day. I have a goal - it is to run a marathon. I have 31 more days to train for it. I think I can do this for 30 more days. I will do whatever I can to persevere - knowing that this old body may not tolerate it. I will make every effort.
That's all any of us can do, isn't it? Make every effort. Give it our best shot. Don't give up until it is truly over.
When I got my master's degree my adviser gave me a gift. It is a book mark, but I have it sitting in a prominent place in my home. It is a thin piece of brass that says:
"never, never, never quit." Winston Churchill.
Sometimes I wonder how I reconcile that with living a program where it is necessary to "surrender to win." I did have to surrender my battle with the bottle. But my efforts to live a good, sober, healthy life? That I never intend to quit.
And I think that is a good thing.
7 comments:
Each of us needs a goal. Go for it as long as you stay healthy.
Good old Winston Churchill. He left off the part about "unless training for a marathon".
good luck with your last 30 days of training. running has always been mind over matter for me, though I haven't been able to get my headed interested at all for quite a while.
Suffice it to say, my high school years were rocky, but I won some award my senior year and the teacher wrote "can do" on the certificate and I still think about that somedays when my brain tells me I can't do something.
thanks for sharing and for keeping your blog, like I've said before, I was reading here before I knew why I was reading here - tomorrow is my three year anniversary.
I'm proud of you! I know how hard it is to keep going at this stage. I felt the same way when I ran my marathon. You've put this much into it so far...stopping doesn't feel like an option! I'll say a little prayer each day for your running. Perhaps if you pick someone or something else to pray for while you run it will be a little easier for you.
Think of that REO Speedwagon song Keep Pushin'
Keep pushin, keep pushin, even if you think your strength is gone
Keep pushin, Keep pushin on
Don't Stop Now...
I find that I have to surrender in my efforts to live a good, healthy, sober life just like I did with the bottle. I can't do anything on my own power. I am powerless. You sound miserable, MC. I will say a prayer for you. I know this may be a silly question, but have you asked God if HE wants you to run this marathon?
It's a sticky wicket: I suspect most of recovery is figuring out when to "never, never, never quit" and when to "surrender."
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