My heart hurts for my daughter today. Yesterday she called her father to tell him she really wants to have a relationship with him and wanted to know what she could do to help that happen. He told her it would never happen because she is a "scum bag drug addict." And she has ruined his life. He will never allow her back into his life. I guess the fact that she is 33 months sober and is doing everything humanly possible to rehab her life doesn't factor into his calculations.
I am so grateful that I have this program and this way of life. I have not been allowed to wallow in hatred, resentment, and ugliness. The penalty for doing those things is well, I guess, it is being like him. Also grateful for the reminder of why I have been divorced from this man for the last 27 years. I usually remember the good times and not so much the bad. But this is a reminder of what it was really like. And why I could not possibly have remained with him.
But my poor daughter is devastated. She made sure she had someone with her all day yesterday. And she has school all day today, so she will be busy. But I can only speculate about what this must feel like for her.
I can't make it better for her. I can't change the reality. But I can be here, always here, always her mama - and she has never had any reason to doubt that I love her. At least she has one parent.
We have always agreed that it was divine intervention that gave us each other as mother and daughter. I am grateful for that, for both of us. And I am grateful she said she had no desire to drink or to use.
9 comments:
If only I were without sin. Then I could call other people scum bags too.
I'm grateful for you.
That is terrible. I wish I could give your daughter a big hug. At least she has you as a loving mother willing to give others a second chance.
She's done the right thing(s). Her side of the street is clean. But that certainly doesn't take away the pain.
It makes me grateful for a program of recovery.
Sad that he has such anger. We are all imperfect. No one ruins my life except me. He doesn't know shit from shinola--but then most of us don't until we see that glimmer of hope in recovery. And then we learn about compassion and acceptance. Anger just poisons me. Your daughter is wonderful with her 33 months. Tell her that I wish her the best and that there are a lot of people who wish they could give her a hug and tell her she is a blessing.
I love that you see the gift you are are to each other. There are no accidents. You both were meant to be.
As to the poppa...I like what Lou said. If I were without sin, I would feel free to call him some nasty names....but then that would be my sin and there I would be. Yukky man.
Reading that gave me goosebumps. He has to live with the decisions he has made. Wishing your daughter the best.
congratulations to your daughter on her 33 months.I hope her father will come around.
I'm just not that loving I guess. I want her twin and her brother to stand beside her and tell Dad it's all of us or none of us...because this just BREAKS MY HEART DAMN IT!!!!!!
His life doesn't seem runied to me.
Damn it Mary....
So sad for dad. I can appreciate his fear, but not accept it.
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