March 25, 2008

There is a fellow I know (an AA member) who likes to say "I don't have no bad days today." And then he loudly proclaims "I ain't mad at nobody today." He is frowning as he says these things, and he seems to direct them "at" people. I have heard him yell at a group of folks, then step into a meeting and say he "ain't mad at nobody today."

Now, it is not up to me to figure out what is wrong with him. But I feel there is a lesson to be learned there.

I do not have a set speech that I recite at an AA meeting. I do not have a set thing that I write every day. I am not the same every day. I am a person living life - and doing it sober - and some days are a little bit more challenging than others. I share these things at my own peril. I get criticized. I get condescending advice from people who have no clue what I am even talking about. I get AA slogans quoted at me.. which cracks me up. Oh well. I am not going to stop sharing what is honestly in my heart because of this.

Today the good news is that my granddaughters are safe. They are being cared for by their grandfather, my ex-husband. Their mother (my daughter) and father have been served papers and I don't understand all the legalities, but they are losing custody of those girls. And they should. But to hear my daughter crying on the phone yesterday was heart-breaking. She even admitted that what hurts the most is that she knows that they are better where they are. According to her (and you know how much you should trust the word of a meth addict) she is going into rehab tomorrow morning at 8:00 a.m. Oh, please, Dear God, let her get into rehab. Keep her safe for a day or two. Let her head clear up enough to realize what she needs to do.

And for now, it is dawn, there is a full moon hanging large over the mountains, and it is over 30º outside. I will strap on my running shoes and get out there.