My granddaughters are outside playing hopscotch on the driveway. That's as good as any other way to spend a Sunday morning, I think. We got dressed up and went to church last night, which was wonderful. I don't know how two normally energetic and very noisy girls, ages 4 and 8, could sit basically still and be totally quiet for an hour, but they did it. It was amazing and glorious.I talked with my sponsor for a long time yesterday afternoon. We literally cried together. Mourning the Alcoholics Anonymous that we both knew and loved. I am afraid it is no longer. I will continue to try to find a home in AA, but what we knew and loved is gone. The AA where we actually knew each others last names and cared about one another. The AA where we took an interest in everyone in the group - whether they were sober a few hours or a few decades. Where we gave each other rides and phone calls. Where we cared enough about people killing each other with sick behavior that we spoke up about it.
So I no longer fit. That is OK. It might even be good. I know I will find (or start) another group, and this season of grief, loss, and sadness will pass. Something better is on the other side, I am sure.
I have two beautiful granddaughters waiting outside for me to come and sit on the front porch and knit, while I rock in my rocking chair. I really can't imagine what could be better than that!
7 comments:
The more things change ...
Ah this is a conversation that I and my girl friends in the program have a lot. Maybe it's us darlin', I don't know.
I see newcomers bonding and forming little "after meeting outings" and such. I smile and wave at them in the parking lot-wondering if they know that they are starting life long bonds with each other.
Mary. The sentences above which begin: "I will continue to try to find a home in AA..." (I don't like to quote your own blog in comments) I find SO interesting. In April I felt the same way, and it seemed like every meeting I attended--I no longer fit. THEN I changed my life around, 'got up early', instead of 'stayed up late', and found my morning meetings at 6 and 7 AM. I LOVE them! And I'm holding in my hand now a paper (small print) with 229 names, phone numbers, years' sober, and sobriety date--LAST names plus FIRST on one side of paper, and FIRST names plus LAST names on other side. ..."where everyone knows your name." (CHEERS)
So it IS somewhere, that for which you seek. Nope, you would not like SW FL, it never snows down here. Except in SOME 'rooms'! -grin-
Hey, MC...I hope you read that word in my comment--CHEERS. It meant MORE than just the TV show. OK?
Steve E.
I had my granddaughter last night and we had such fun. Next weekend I get all 3 grandbabies!!!!
This post made me think of two things I heard in early sobriety; I have never seen the program drop anyone and if God brought me this far He is not about to drop me now. I found them both comforting and I bet you do, too.
The first 100 found that AA had to change with the times and they found a way to adjust. Just keep coming back.
PHEW! At first I thought you were going outside to hop schotch with the grandkids. But then that would probaly not faze a marathon ghurl like you. Enjoy it granny goose.
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