Feeling the feelings

Whatever they are. I get to feel them. It has been a sad week. Any week when you go to the funeral of a 31 year old mother of three children - who was sober for 5 months - is sad. She is now gone. Her smile will never light up our meeting again, and her sandalwood perfume is now missing from the room. I remember asking my friend "how come it smells like incense in here?" when M. first started coming around.... she told me it was M. Oh dear. I didn't know. I didn't really know M., I just saw her coming to meetings. She has the same name as my daughter. She was the same age as my daughter. She hooked right up with people in the group. And some of those people are really hurting now.

One of my sponsee's mother in law died this week. She is dealing with cleaning out a house and all that goes with that... including all the strange interpersonal stuff that happens in a family after Mom dies. God bless her, she is just being there for the people who need her right now. Just like she did when her dad was dying. We get to do that as sober people. It is not fun, but it is one of the greatest blessings of sobriety - at least if you ask me. We get to be of service to our families - maybe for the first time in our lives.

I went to a speaker's meeting this morning and heard a man I know speak. It was delightful because he is a World War II veteran. There are not many of those left. And, I am afraid, there are even less each day. When I first saw him, I thought "oh, he doesn't look good, his color is bad." And as he spoke, he told of a meeting with a bunch of doctors yesterday. They told him 6 months - maybe a year. He is hoping to buck those odds. He also said he is not afraid to die - because of the closeness he feels with God - as a direct result of his years in Alcoholics Anonymous.

And then, on the other hand....

On Thursday I got to see a man pick up a 60 day chip. I got to see a young man celebrate 6 months. And I got to see my friend celebrate 17 years of sobriety.

Life does go on. The rain is coming down, it is cool outside. I hope to sleep well tonight and get to the meeting tomorrow morning early. I am on a 2 week break between the spring and summer sessions of my running club, so I am not meeting them at the insane hour on Saturday morning.

Sorry to be depressing. This is just what is going on in my little corner of the world today. I am still grateful that I get to lay my head down on my pillow tonight in peace. No hate. No anger. No resentment. Some sadness, but that is life sometimes.