I am scratching my head at the lack of depression going on here. When I did my marathon last year, by Thursday of the next week, I was writing about "the dark night of the soul." I was in despair. It was truly awful.
This year? I am just fine. I might be a bit cranky, but maybe no more than usual.
I am so relieved because I would not like to go through that again.
Tonight I am going out for dinner with two AA friends. A woman who came close to taking her own life a little over a year ago, and her sponsor. She sent her suicide letter to both of us, via e-mail, on that fateful day. And now she wants to take us both out for dinner. She has now been sober over a year and has just landed a job in the field she worked in before her alcoholism took her down. It will be nice to sit over a lovely meal in a nice restaurant with these two. Especially when I contrast that with the night in the hospital room, she nearly dead and delirious, and my friend and I standing at her side - sick with worry. We truly did not know if she would live through the night. But she did. And a year later, it looks like a happy ending.
A year of sobriety is a miraculous thing. It is nothing short of miraculous what can happen in a year to one who stays truly sober, goes to meetings, and works the steps.
I worry when it looks like a "happy ending" because I have so frequently seen the person drift away. Life gets good and then it appears that there is no need for meetings, a sponsor, steps, etc.
I will pray that doesn't happen to her. She remains in my prayers every day, it is just a habit.
And do you know that I am still in my prayers every day? I am clear that I am sober by the Grace of God. I am clear that I am a hopeless alcoholic. I can drink tomorrow (but not likely today). I am sober today. I cannot coast on yesterday's sobriety. None of us can. I don't care how long you are sober, how spiritually fit you seem to be, how many people you sponsor, or what service position you hold.
I have today. I think I will stay sober in it - and try to make it the best October 27, 2011 I possibly can.
4 comments:
What a great post ... and kind of harrowing to hear how often people drift away once their lives get better. Another AA said much the same thing to me just the other day when I was writing about vigilance.
Just heard last night that a woman who I know from open AA meetings has gone back out--been arrested a few times, fell down the stairs and has her lights and water cut off for non-payment. She has gone way down. I hope that she finds her way back soon.
I can see one must remain vigilant. And do the whole program, not just the convenient parts.
Snow?! No!!!
Such a great post. It's amazing watching someone who was at rock bottom actually make it in the program.
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