I haven't treated you all to a picture of a new pair of shoes for a long time. I haven't purchased a new pair of high heels in well over a year. I haven't worn a pair of high heels since September 30, 2009 when I had to be helped into the building by a co-worker and luckily I had a pair of running shoes in my office, which I wore the remainder of the day. Note: I have gone back and edited this post - I am going to deliberately misspell words in an effort to never come up in a search for these things.
I have to give a presentation tomorrow to the hosspital's govverrning boddy. I would rather have a root canal. I would rather have a gynecological exam at the same time. I would rather speak to someone from the IRS. I hate this so much that I found a way to miss it the last two quarterly meetings. I got an e-mail from my boss' boss' boss last week telling me he expects me to be there. I sent him back a breezy little reply that I just hadn't been at the last two because of conflicting engagements, but I will certainly be at the next one!
The only thing on earth I could think of to make this slightly more palatable is new clothing. So I went shopping. We'll see how well this works.
Today I met with one of my sponsees before work. While we were talking, I casually referenced being on disability for five years - her eyes flew open in disbelief. "You didn't know that?" I asked her... she didn't know that. I wonder how much of my story I assume she knows, how much I assume everyone knows. How would she know? I don't talk about that much. It seems so long ago now.
Between 5 and 10 years of sobriety, I was on disability for depression. Major depression. I was truly disabled by it. It was a terrifying and liberating experience. Terrifying because I was truly disabled. Liberating because I learned to trust God in a way I never had before. It is amazing how much you can trust when you absolutely have no choice. I lived on a tiny amount of money that I got in a monthly check. I learned how to live on that. There was a period of time when I had no income at all. I tried to work for a while and was asked to please leave and not come back - from a menial job frying hamburgers!
After a number of years, I started back to work by working as a temp. I worked for a year here and there. When I applied for and got a call from a ppsychiattric hosspital offering me a job my closest friend in AA suggested to me that it would be a terrible idea for me to work there. Much too close to home. I am so grateful that although this woman had always offered me great advice before, I chose to ignore this piece of advice. I have loved almost every single day of the almost 16 years I have worked there. I started at an entry level job and went back to college and the rest is history. People love to call me a "success story" but sometimes I wonder....
Anyway, here I am sponsoring this woman for probably three years and she doesn't even know this about me. I guess I am just the old lady who knits in meetings...
And wears great shoes from time to time.
9 comments:
Nice shoes. I don't assume that my sponsees know much about me unless I tell them. Some things come up, especially during the fourth and fifth steps. I am pretty much an open book with those I sponsor.
Good luck with your presentation.
Those are pretty shoes although I have never mastered the art of walking in high heels. I always look like I have a stick up my butt or something equally painful when I walk with high heels on.
That sponsor/sponsee thing is something I am still learning.
Never could walk in heals. Actually, I never tried
I think you should wear new sneakers at the meeting today, but ...
You ARE a success story. We all are.
Thank you so much for sharing about your depression. My episode started at 4 years of sobriety and I am still dealing with it at 6 years of sobriety. I haven't been able to work in a year now because of it. Money is gone, dis app won't go to appeals court for at least another 6 mos. It is quite scary at times - the financial part, but more so the mental illness part. Will I ever be like I was again? Your story gives me hope and I am so so grateful for that! Thank you.
I love that about sponsorship, the short term reveals one person and as we grow together the relationship and the person become so much deeper, so much more diverse and so much more beautiful... kinda like these blogs... they reveal a person in layers of beautiful light...and great shoes!
Thank you for sharing about your depression! I once looked into Soc. Sec. Disability for depression, but God had other plans for me!
Good luck on your presentation!
Yes, thank you for sharing about your depression. Someone I love very much suffers from debilitating depression....among other things. I have forwarded your blog to her before....because you share so much hope that there is a way out. Ack! I hope you are ok with that. It didn't even occur to me that it might be an issue since your blog is public.
Love your shoes too. You are one remarkable woman MC.
Thank you for sharing about your depression and being disabled by it for years, yet making a successful return to the workplace. I've been unemployed for 6 months now and depression is a barrier to moving on. Every story that gives hope helps a lot.
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