Blogging Malaise

In this momentous week in my life, I don't feel free to write about much.

I have a brand new grandbaby. She is beautiful. I am thrilled. I am delighted that my son is a father and it is beautiful to watch this huge manly-man lovingly care for a tiny little baby girl. I am happy to see my daughter-in-law as a young mother, she is bearing the suffering and joy of the last week beautifully.

I am getting ready to run my first marathon. The website now says it is 3 days away. I am thrilled that the weather forecast for Long Beach, California is actually a few degrees cooler that day than Denver's. My stomach started flipping just in the time it took me to write those three sentences. I have not had time to think about the race since Saturday and I seriously need to think about it. I need to pack. I need to figure out if I have any last minute shopping to do. I need to figure out what I am wearing on the plane and back - and what to wear to church on Saturday night. I mapped out the route to the church from the hotel. The hotel is within walking distance to the expo and the race start and finish. I will take a taxi to and from the airport. Now if only it was so easy to figure out how I am going to ambulate this body for 26.2 miles....

I read an article this morning about a man who is a "legacy runner" of this race. He has run every single one since 1984 (the year that I got sober - and still smoked 2 packs a day). Including some that didn't even occur - for lack of funding. He is in his 80s. He will come in ahead of me. You probably think I am being modest, but when I say I am slow, I am not exaggerating - at all. I am seriously slow. It makes me nervous.

So, what's this malaise about? Well, I don't feel comfortable blogging about my family except in the most general of ways. I can blog about myself - but how interesting is it to read about "ME ME ME ME ME ME ME" all the time? I feel uncomfortable writing about others even very anonymously since people who know me read this blog - and someone left me a shitty anonymous comment last week asking me why I thought it was ok to write about people she could identify. Well, hell's bells - I couldn't identify the person in that particular case, how friggin anonymous is that? So, if I have people who aren't particularly friendly reading the blog looking for clues about anyone they might know - I guess I can no longer write anything about anyone other than myself. And frankly, I am not that interesting to write about every single day.

The community of bloggers, as I once knew it, is virtually non-existent. Dave and I still blog every day. There are a couple of others I read every day. I realize that they don't comment on my blog, I just comment on theirs. So, that is not much of a "community." There are others who write poetry or other seven minute sundays or five word fridays or other such things that I just don't understand or even want to understand, so I don't read those.

I usually blog with one particular reader in mind. A person who may want to read about what life is like for a sober person. Not THE sober person with THE answers. Just A sober person. Just a sober person trying to live her life to the best of her ability, living the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, not perfectly, just doing it, day after day. Living life as a sober person.

Recently there were two new guys. Two newly sober guys who were blogging - and they were both delightful. One has stopped. The other started really writing. He is brand new in sobriety. He honestly shared about that. The bloggers came along and were so overbearing with admonishments, advice, and warnings, I got embarrassed for us. He really hasn't said anything since. What a wonderful way to shut someone down.

Oh, I better shut down now. I have said more than enough.

I hope you all have a wonderful day.

May God continue to bless us all.