When I was a budding alcoholic in high school, there was a group of boys in one of my classes who harassed me endlessly. They hurt my feelings terribly. I dreaded that class. I dreaded school. When I complained to my parents about them, they told me that I needed to stand up to them and not allow them to push me around. I had a warped mind however, and I felt that I could best punish them by killing myself! It seemed to be the best solution to my problem.
As I thought about this though, it occurred to me that it wouldn't really punish them, it would however KILL me. I was warped, but I wasn't quite THAT warped. I decided not to allow them that final satisfaction over me.
I came to class the next day and told them to "f*** off." Their major complaint about me was my looks - I asked them "Is that all you've got?" They were dumbfounded. Honestly, they never bothered me again. And I learned a valuable lesson. That has served me for the rest of my life.
IF I had thought that I could write a suicide note blaming them for "bullying" me, and it would be featured on the 24 hour news cycle for days on end, that the boys would be prosecuted for their cruelty to me, and that I would be forever perceived as a poor helpless victim - I have no doubt I would be dead. I would have died by my own hand at 16.
Please don't think I am forgiving terrible behavior - I am not.
But the world has always been full of cruel people. I am currently studying some literature written 5,000 years ago which is full of cruel people doing evil things to one another. It would be nice if we would stop this, but it is highly unlikely. I think it is a good idea to teach our children to realistically deal with it and not pretend it is going to go away. This whole victimhood mentality is not helpful. It would have killed me.
I am really grateful I have had the last 43 years since standing up and telling those terrible boys to f*** off instead of killing myself.
Sorry, I am still not on topic. And I watch too much news.
Next week, I will be better. Really.
3 comments:
I agree. But I doubt that these kids who commit suicide are thinking intellectually about becoming a news/media piece.
Like you, I always just dealt with it and stood my ground.
I'm not sure where my victim-mentality came from as a kid but I didn't grow a backbone and thick skin until many, many years in Al-anon. I am glad I have it now. My high school years were painful. I have never treated my boys like victims and they have rarely seen themselves as such. It is hard and I don't have any answers, just experience. Have a lovely weekend, MC.
♥namaste♥
A lot has changed though since I was in school. There were not guns, knives, and police on campus. There were no drugs in elementary school either. The teachers were allowed to inflict punishment and the parents did also. I wonder if any of these things have to do with being a bullier and being fearful about being bullied.
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