I just walked around my yard and took photos of all things I thought were pretty. I took lots of pictures. I just go wacky over the sight of the climbing rose bush in front of my house, all the beautifully perfect red roses in bloom again - it is almost more beauty than I can stand.
The photo above is pampas grass in front of two aspen trees. I chopped down a huge blue spruce that used to stand in front of the aspens... and put in the pampas grass instead. My neighbor thought I was nuts, but she likes it now.
What has this to do with anything? I fear that of late I have assumed that you are all tired of hearing my story, so I seldom reiterate it. I walk around my yard and see the things I have planted and see them actually bloom and thrive and I can't help but be overwhelmed with how different my life is today.
Saturday will mark 7 years that I have lived in this house. When I was a child I once lived in one place for 11 years, from the time I was 3 until I was 14. Since then, never more than 4 years in one place. Most of the time I have lived somewhere for a year, and then moved on.
In my sobriety, I have been homeless twice. The first time at five years of sobriety, the second time at nine year of sobriety. That is a desperate place to be. Homeless. But I learned a lot. I learned to trust God. It suddenly became easy for me to "turn it over" when there was no longer anything that I was clinging to. The lesson that I took from these experiences is that the stuff is stuff. The important things are things that cannot be repossessed. And once I was able to let go of the old ideas, the stuff I had desperately needed earlier came back to me. At 14 years of sobriety I was able to buy my first home. At 17 years of sobriety, I was able to buy this home, which you may have been able to tell, I really do enjoy.
Although I enjoy my home and hope I can continue to stay here and admire my roses for a very long time, I really could walk away from it today. It is not what makes me who I am.
As I was writing this, a sponsee called. She is in despair over some really serious problems in her life. I got to sit and talk with her. I got to make a few simple suggestions, like PRAY. I got to tell her I care and that I have faith in her. I got to tell her that I have time to get together this weekend - since my sponsor and I are both sick and I won't be driving over to the western slope to see her.
The house and flowers don't make me who I am, but the phone call of a desperate woman does.
11 comments:
Your roses are beautiful, MC. I'm like you, and I revel in my yard and gardens these days. I bought this place at 15 yeras sober, and have always been a bit of a gypsy, moving, changing, whirling and stopping for a bit, then always moving on. I miss that sometimes...
I liked that: ..."but the phone call of a desperate woman does..." Amen.
Yep, that last line is what drove me to respond--it's what life, happiness, serenity, and real sobriety are about, for me. I thrive each morning, meeting with some new men and recent re-runs, answering their questions. Usually the answer is--yes, it is--"PRAY", or maybe, ask your sponsor about that. Or we talk about a hundred other topics unrelated to alcohol, but all related to our "isms".
Crap, here I go again--another "blog-in-a-comment" I hate myself for that--not really!
beautifully stated MC!
MC, my kid is crazy. But he has been homeless, and he has told me the exact thing you said. And I could tell he meant it from the heart, just like you.
Maybe you could come buy a house in my neighborhood. We could go straighten out meetings all over town. We could have coffee together. I would have to watch you run past of course...cuz we know I ain't gonna run ;)
Yes, so it's settled. Shall I send you the real estate section of our paper, little radish bud?
Very good post. So much to be thankful for. I am thankful I know you.
You are an awesome person. I'm glad that you answered that call and talked through it with your sponsee. That kind of love and dedication is what makes who you are.
I loved this post Miss M.C. I may be on the otherside of recovery but have lived a very chaotic life. I've moved more times than I can count and I cried last year when I realized I had 2 years on my job. You've given me hope too that even in my ripe old 50's I may yet get my finances in order and be able to own a little piece of something to call my own.
Thank you....
LOVE the rose. Love that you have your priotities in good order.
this is wonderfully written. puts everything right into perspective.
Striking post. Just give me the simple things and I am happy.
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