My new quilt was on the front porch when I got home last night. I hurriedly unwrapped it and placed in on my bed (and wondered if it had bedbugs in it). After I came in and out of my room a few times, I wondered if I loved it as much I had hoped I would. It has a lot of brown in it, which is not a color I have in my home. I was an adult in the 70s, therefore I have been through the brown palate thoroughly and completely and don't care to return. In the catalog and online it seemed to be mainly greens and blues, and that is what I was in the market for. I may leave it on my bed for a day and then return it - it was quite expensive, I don't want to keep it if I don't love it.My bed is so important to me - why?
Well, it became so in early sobriety for some reason. And last summer when I was going through some intense PTSD, it became moreso.
When I was beginning EMDR treatment for PTSD, I was asked to name a "safe" place. The only place that came to mind was my bedroom, specifically my bed. I thought it was a lame answer. I thought I should name a tropical beach with swaying palm trees and white sands underfeet. But my truth was that my safe place was my very own bed in my very own bedroom.
Later, when completing this session of extremely difficult remembering of traumatic events, I got to return to my "safe place" in my imagination in my therapist's office. I had tears of gratitude when I thought about the fact that my place was reality and that it was only a few miles away, not just in my imagination, but in my reality. Later that night, I returned to my very own bed. My very own safe place.
Through years of sobriety, some of them very difficult, I had created this place for myself. I had created this safety for myself. The rest of the world may be difficult but my home is not. And my bed is the place that is the most symbolic of the efforts I take to care for myself.
I know I must turn my thoughts to others most of the time, but I also need to do some self-care.
My bed is where I ask him in the morning for another day of sobriety, and thank him at night.
5 comments:
I like the idea of a safe place. Had not really thought of that before.
My answer, just a few years ago, would have been "my favorite barstool."
Today, it's Lambda Center, my AA home. And my home, too.
My home and my boat are the places that give me a lot of comfort. I feel comfort at my home group as well. Everyone needs a sanctuary.
If you don't absolutely LOVE that quilt, then by all means return it!
my bed is my safe place too.
i had emdr for vicareous trauma and it really helped.
I have a loveseat in my livingroom that is tucked back from the room. It feels like a cocoon. We are thinking of building a house. I keep saying I want a house that hugs me. Which I guess is another way of saying I want my house to be my safe place.
Someone close to me is starting EMDR therapy next week.
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