I may be taking a sudden vacation next week. There are two work meetings I absolutely must attend, but I think I can take the rest of the week off. I suddenly have the opportunity to attend another icon class. I took one 5 years ago. It was amazing. I talked with some of my friends, including my favorite psychiatrist (who used to be my boss) and they have all said "do it!!!" It is extremely difficult to try to prepare for a week off of work in 2 days, but I think I can get it done. I am so so so excited. As I was thinking about this, I wanted to look back to the class I took in 2006. I wrote about it here in my blog. I was able to go to the header of my blog and type in "icon" and see a lot of what I wrote about it then. And see photos. Although I did misspell the word "icon" for a while because I didn't want to come up in searches for them.
That's the second time in a week that I have come here to my blog to reference events in my life. And it causes me to think that perhaps a blog is a better journal than a paper journal. I have stacks and stacks of journals in my closet. I think the only journal entry I actually care about is from July 24, 1984 - the day I called AA for help and went to my first meeting. The entries I made that day are very precious to me. But all the falling in and out of love, complaining about being tired, the insanity of early sobriety, the drama of two divorces, and all the daily details? I don't go back and read it. And in fact, I am thinking of burning them.
My oldest and beloved sponsee burned her journals a couple of years ago. When she first told me she was going to, I thought it was foolish. But then she explained that if something happened to her, she didn't want her mother to read of all her suicidal depressions, her lusts, and all of her private thoughts. When she burned them, she said it was very cathartic.
I know I tend to the morbid, but I increasingly think of what it would be like for my children if I suddenly died. There is so much crap in this house. And there are those journals. I really wouldn't want them to read them. I guess I just answered my own question, didn't I? I can save the three or four pieces of paper from my sobriety date and get rid of the rest!
I plan on staying sober today and I hope you all do too.
And if you have a moment, go over and say hello to a new blogger, Lola.
6 comments:
Hi MC, lots to consider here :-) congrats on taking the plunger, er the class, I hope you enjoy it!
Be well!
I have a few treasures from those early "raw" days too that are near and dear to me. Good post on the power of the purge.
I think that for now I will keep my journals. It is my life, as messy as it might be. It is the truth written there. Have a good class and good week off.
YES..if you can get some time away DO IT! Little pumpkin seed.
I lost my mother at an early age and it would have been nice to know her as a real person. I would cherish anything I could get that would show me the real person she was inside. Her hopes her fears uncensored like the way life really is. Some people say I am like her but I didn't really know her.
I have felt for a while the truth about how much this blog has helped me to grow, not just in my own ability to sort through my meditation, thoughts, and feelings, but to feel that others are here, doing the same. That I'm not alone in this.
And, sometimes, I can look back a ways and see the progression of this life, this fellowship, and the miracle of still being here.
I'm grateful you came back to write some more.
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