Yesterday morning I woke up with a migraine. I get them occassionally. I have also had nausea with this one, which I don't usually get. I came home from work early yesterday and took to the sofa. I tried to watch Monday Night Football, but didn't even have the ability to focus on a football game. My head was pounding, I was fighting the urge to vomit, and I was shivering because I was so cold.
This reminded me of so many days I spent while I was still out there "having fun" and "enjoying life" - in other words, drinking alcoholically (sp?) I cannot even fathom the idea of getting this sick voluntarily!
When I think of the young woman I once was it makes me so sad. To think of a beautiful young woman (I can say that now about myself - past tense) spending entire days in bed, shaking, vomiting, waking up in a pool of urine, with a head hurting so bad I wished I could die. And then going and doing the same thing the next night. It is amazing. And so sad.
While I was suffering so terribly with this disease called alcoholism, I felt so much guilt, remorse, and shame. I didn't realize that I had no more control over the course of my illness than I have over gravity, or whether the sun will come up in the morning.
I just thank God that I found Alcoholics Anonymous and admitted I was powerless over alcohol and have not had to be that sick for over 21 years now. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.