I want to thank the couple of people who posted comments and encouraged me to keep going with this. One of them is already sober (thank God!) and one is trying to get sober and doesn't want to go to AA. I tried that route for nearly 3 years before I got sober. It was so incredibly painful. Every day I would swear that it was my last day of drinking and the next day I would be drunk again.
I knew I had plenty of will power. I could do just about anything I set my mind to. I could run 5 miles at 7,000 feet altitude with a hangover most mornings for God's sake! But for some reason (which I know a little bit more about now), I could absolutely not stop drinking. Or I could stop for a day or two and then be so elated with my success, I would need a drink to celebrate because surely I had this thing conquered! And then the cycle started all over again.
I finally called AA on the morning of July 24, 1984. I am humbled to say that I have not had a drink since that day. What a miracle. I don't say that I am a miracle... the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is the miracle. I am the blessed recipient of the miracle.
If you are new, keep coming back. If you don't know what to do, try it out. Give AA a call, or go to a meeting. There are no pledges to take, no papers to sign, no money to pay (other than throwing a dollar in the basket - if you want), there is no one in charge, it is a true democracy.
I just wish everyone could find what I have found in this program. My sobriety hasn't always been pretty, but it has always been real.