Mindful Monday

Yesterday I knit a tiny pumpkin hat for my tiny granddaughter. Then, of course, I had to try it on a doll and take it outside for photos - which I texted to my son. He likes the hat. I wonder if he is just indulging his old mother. Because this hat could certainly be the work of an old woman who has gone off the deep end with sentiment for her newest granddaughter. Oh well, so be it. Better to be batty with love than dried up with bitterness.

I went to a wonderful meeting yesterday which sort of shocked me. I decided not to drive across town to my home group but to stay close to home. On Sundays there are a couple of people there who like the sound of their own voices. Yesterday, between the two of them, they might have taken a total of two minutes. Seems one of them has attended some meetings out of town where they have the amazing concept of letting everyone in the room SHARE! Everyone! He mentioned that, and everyone followed suit and kept it brief. It was an awesome meeting.

There are strong winds blowing the golden leaves off the trees. What a wonderful racket all night long as the leaves whirled around on the ground and blew against the house. It is still unseasonably warm, but a warm wind portends snow... soon... snow. I will welcome it. (for a while, before I start complaining about it....)

I must get to work on time this morning, so I better get to it.

I am expecting to have a wonderful sober day today, and I hope you all are too! By the Grace of God...

A Golden Day

What an awesome day it was today! Restorative all the way around.

I met my running group to compare medals, talk about our races, go for a 3 mile walk, and then coffee and a bagel. We are planning our next race! I would have never thought! I am not planning another full marathon, let me hasten to add... just a half marathon. Next week we are off altogether. Oh, I am so glad to be a part of that group.

It is so nice to be with such healthy people.

After that, I met a friend from work for a quick hike (yes, a hike) and then we went to one of the best movies I have seen in a long, long time. I would highly recommend it. Although it was very violent, and I usually hate violent movies, it was funny and entertaining and I LOVE Bruce Willis and many others from its all star cast. Red. Great.

I so needed to just be with nice people and do little things like this. I feel human again.

Tomorrow I will decide when I wake up whether I will drive across town to my home group or just go to the close-by meeting. But I will get to a morning meeting.

My back still hurts so bad that at church tonight I decided it must be cancer. My mind really never works right. But I think I must go see my doc next week. This just ain't right. The funny thing? It did not hurt much while I was walking and hiking today... but while I was sitting and kneeling at church, I thought I was going to die. Activity = good. Sedentary = not so good.

Grateful for an Autumn Saturday in Colorado. Life in Sobriety is Good. God has been so very good to me.

The Well's Run Dry

I am just plumb out of things to write about. I am tired. My back hurts. My back hurts really really bad. It hasn't stopped hurting since my marathon. I thought it would.

Tomorrow I am meeting my running group for our last run of "the summer" and a small social bagel and coffee. I will attempt 3 miles, but know I may not be able to do it, since I really can't fully straighten my back.

After that, I am meeting a dear friend from work for coffee and to go see a movie. That should be fun. Then I can come home and take a nap.

I hope to get my brain and body restored this weekend.

It was not only a depleting experience doing that marathon, but I have had an absolutely draining week at work, including fulfilling some special information requests from the media - as if I didn't have enough to do.

Confession and mass tomorrow - and then my homegroup on Sunday.

It is all good.

The Grace of God -

I can't.

He can.

I think I'll let him.

Those Terrible Boys!

When I was a budding alcoholic in high school, there was a group of boys in one of my classes who harassed me endlessly. They hurt my feelings terribly. I dreaded that class. I dreaded school. When I complained to my parents about them, they told me that I needed to stand up to them and not allow them to push me around. I had a warped mind however, and I felt that I could best punish them by killing myself! It seemed to be the best solution to my problem.

As I thought about this though, it occurred to me that it wouldn't really punish them, it would however KILL me. I was warped, but I wasn't quite THAT warped. I decided not to allow them that final satisfaction over me.

I came to class the next day and told them to "f*** off." Their major complaint about me was my looks - I asked them "Is that all you've got?" They were dumbfounded. Honestly, they never bothered me again. And I learned a valuable lesson. That has served me for the rest of my life.

IF I had thought that I could write a suicide note blaming them for "bullying" me, and it would be featured on the 24 hour news cycle for days on end, that the boys would be prosecuted for their cruelty to me, and that I would be forever perceived as a poor helpless victim - I have no doubt I would be dead. I would have died by my own hand at 16.

Please don't think I am forgiving terrible behavior - I am not.

But the world has always been full of cruel people. I am currently studying some literature written 5,000 years ago which is full of cruel people doing evil things to one another. It would be nice if we would stop this, but it is highly unlikely. I think it is a good idea to teach our children to realistically deal with it and not pretend it is going to go away. This whole victimhood mentality is not helpful. It would have killed me.

I am really grateful I have had the last 43 years since standing up and telling those terrible boys to f*** off instead of killing myself.

Sorry, I am still not on topic. And I watch too much news.

Next week, I will be better. Really.

Thursday

I got my hair cut and colored last night. I swore I was going to die - to sit in that chair for 3 hours. I kid you not, 3 hours! I have a wonderful hair stylist who lovingly cares for my hair, but last night it was almost more than I could stand. Vanity is such a lot of work. Some day I shall be retired and shan't have to take such care to not look like an old hag. Oh - let me be quick to tell you that this is not my normal perspective on this... this is my weird week.

I have to be out of here in 45 minutes to get to a meeting. So I really don't have time to write.

It probably wasn't the best idea to combine the week after my marathon with the week before Governing Body. It is like work on steroids with a body and brain on dope. Yesterday I had to go to a management meeting and say, for the first time in my career, "I do not have this portion done, I will get it done by Friday and present it at ____ meeting." Amazingly enough, no one batted an eye at that.

It is weird to realize that I am at the end of my career and it probably doesn't matter greatly anyway. Well, it matters when there are layoffs and positions being abolished, but missing one tiny thing isn't going to effect that.

Sorry, I have the focus of a fruit fly. Well, fruit flies probably have more focus.

Gotta get ready for a long day starting with a meeting and ending with seeing my new baby granddaughter!!!!!!!

xoxoxo

Wednesday

It is Wednesday morning. I am so depleted from that race physically and emotionally I feel "impaired." See the fact that I cannot get this to post without thinking it is a hyperlink. Honestly, I have been posting something every day for over 5 years, I do know how to do this. Today? It is too complex.

Which is frightening because I have a morning of putting together a presentation at the last moment and then presenting it at 1:30 this afternoon. They are a critical audience. It is essentially a dry run before my big presentation next week to Governing Body. Oh, how I hate these third and fourth weeks following the ends of quarters.

I don't really hate the whole weeks, I just don't like this part of my job. I mostly love my job. But this is the part I don't love.

I am still the same person I was on Monday when I felt great. I will get through this.

Feelings aren't facts

and the way I feel is not an accurate gauge of my spiritual condition.

Back to the Regular World

This will probably be my last picture from my race - at least for a while.

I am back to my own place in the sun. Back to my own home. I will be back to my own office this morning. I am grateful for all of this.

I need to settle into a life that doesn't involve training for a marathon. That has been my focus for so long that I am on guard for a bit of an emotional crisis later this week. That sounds negative, but I know myself pretty well. I have had these minor melt-downs in the weeks following half-marathons. I am not sure what will happen in the week following something as momentous (to me at least) as a marathon.

My daughter (the non-alcoholic) called last night and wanted to hear all about the race. She is registering for a marathon that will take place next October 18. I had told her I would do it with her. I told her yesterday that I will be her number 1 cheerleader and support crew, but I will not do another marathon. I am glad I did the one I did, and I encourage her to do one, but I do not want to do that again. I was relieved to hear that she is not disappointed - she was actually kind of happy that she would have someone at the finish line cheering for her. Awesome.

OK, I gotta get to work. I might have to put in a 10 or 12 hour day today. I have to give a quarterly report tomorrow that I don't even have most of the data put together for yet. Since my assistant's position was abolished last year, I do my own data entry as well as everything else. I have tons of it to do.

Let's all stay sober today, no matter what, OK?

My name is Marathoner Mary, I am an alcoholic...

I am sitting at the airport waiting to hop on a plane to go home. Miraculously, I am ambulatory this morning. I have 6 strips of KT tape on my back and foot, but really, all in all, I am good.

I am grateful to have done this thing. I used to have another blog for my running adventures, and that would be the perfect venue for writing about all the details of this race. There were some really special moments, but I don't want to bore you all to death.

But I will say a couple of things... right from the get-go, my back started cramping. Usually it will stop after a couple of miles. But it just got progressively worse for 26.2 miles. It hurt really, really bad. And after eating a seemingly innocuous orange slice at mile 11, I suffered from terrible intestinal difficulty (if you get my meaning) and had to stop at every porta-potty for maybe 7 or 8 miles!

There were some folks who were struggling like I was and we were pretty much together for the last 10 miles. I followed a woman with a beautiful french braid for most of the race. Sometimes I passed her, sometimes she passed me. She ended up ahead of me. We ran through California State University at Long Beach and there were many students there to greet us. One young man saw my name on my bib and said "Hey Mary, I'm gonna run with you for a while!" and he did. It was really touching. At 20 miles, there was a couple sitting on the curb yelling out to everyone. The man saw my name and said "Go Mary, Hey! Marathon Mary! You are 6 miles away from being a marathoner!" Believe it or not, things like that are very motivating. After I crossed the finish line a man came over and put his hand on my shoulder and thanked me. He said he had been behind me for many miles and he was hurting and he could see that I was hurting, but that I just kept going and he knew he could too. That was a very special moment. I did manage to cross the finish line with my arms raised high over my head in a victory salute. I did not cry as I thought I would. I was too tired and too hurt to cry. I think I knew if I started I might not stop, and I still had to get another mile (uphill) to my hotel!

I am grateful that I am heading home to my own home, my own life, and getting back to a reality that will not be so obsessively self-centered as a training life is - of necessity. I am grateful that my own home and my own life is sunny with low humidity. I haven't seen the sunshine in 2 days now and I miss it. Ironically, I have quite the sunburn from being out so long yesterday.

I didn't intend to share all these details, but what the heck, I have shared all the training details... why not the race details?

I could tell you how this relates to sobriety, but I think it would be overstating the obvious. Oh well, I guess I will do that too!

• It doesn't have to feel good, you just have to do it
• It doesn't have to look good, you just have to do it
• When you want to quit, don't
• God will help you when you ask him
• The whole is definitely greater than the sum of its parts (all those individual miles - or individual 24 hours of sobriety)

That's it out of me.

Next time I will be back home and my brain & body will be back to the dry and sunny climate they are acclimated to.

Thank you God.

I am now a Marathoner

It is done. Who knew it was so difficult? Oh, the rest of you did? Well, apparently, I didn't fully appreciate how difficult.

But I did it. It is done. I am really too tired to write. I took a shower, ordered a room service burger (which I could only eat a 1/4 of - what the heck???) and now I need to put these ice packs on my back and lay on the bed and watch some football.

Thanks for all of your support through this last year of training.

Thanks be to God.

A Brief Overthoughtful Interlude...

When the plane touched down in Long Beach today, my heart just sank. It is so gloomy and overcast. As the cab roared through the streets, my heart sank some more. I can't really describe why.

I got to the hotel, and it is beautiful, so that is good. I frequently get to hotel rooms and find myself very disappointed, sometimes to the point of anger that I have to sit and pray my way through. They let me check in at 10 a.m., and that was an even better bonus. The room is lovely, the view is pretty, the bedding is divine, and the hygiene products are high quality. (The internet access is $9.95 a day, and the restaurant is overpriced, but that is life.)

I went to the expo and it was full of what I tend to call "mutants," even though I know that isn't nice. The super fit and healthy. Serious Athletes. Some anorexic gals and guys. One time I had a conversation with Scott W. loosely about this, and we agreed that in the world of alcoholics I am a runner, but in the world of runners, I am an alcoholic. At a marathon expo I am likely to be 30 years older and at least 30 lbs. heavier than the average person. Oh well. The race t-shirt fits and that is happy. But I came with a credit card and was prepared to spend some money to commemorate what will likely be my only marathon. As I frequently find, all the larges and extra-larges were sold out of the pretty things. I bought a couple of things, but nothing I am excited about. There were none of the do-dads you can get at the big "rock 'n roll" races, like magnets, luggage tags, etc. I really wanted to buy that crap. Oh well.

I came back to my room and reflected on how out of place I feel in this place. How much I am attached to feeling that sense of belonging I have in the place where I live. I travel a lot for someone who likes to be at home as much as I do. I have never been to this place before. I have been to California before, but I think the last time was over 20 years ago, and even then, I spent very little time here.

I took a nap, which I desperately needed then hailed a cab to go to church. I really didn't want to, but I am so glad I did. The lector had a marathon t-shirt under his suit! The Priest gave a blessing of the marathon runners! I talked to him after mass and he said he has three sisters who will be running it tomorrow.

It struck me how much life has changed when I get that feeling of belonging in a church. That certainly did not used to be my story.

I first got it in a bar. Then in AA. Now I have it in many places. Today it was in church. And I am grateful for that.

Tomorrow is the day I have been planning for a year. I was pretty torqued this morning - but that probably had more to do with flying than anything. All my training is done, I will go out and reap whatever I have done, and try to enjoy myself to the best of my ability.

The best race I ever had was my first half marathon. Someone told me the night before - "it is YOUR race, make it a good one." I did. I smiled and thanked every volunteer. I smiled and thanked every policeman directing traffic. I smiled and smiled and smiled and tried to think more of others than myself. That is always a recipe for a better anything. I will attempt to do that tomorrow.

Because no matter what I do tomorrow, it will be my personal best for a marathon.

Thank you God.

Leaving Early, Early...

I'm leaving in the morning. Flying away. (you know how much I hate to fly, but I will meditate as I always do and get OK with acceptance of whatever may happen.)

I am very excited. I have had wardrobe issues. I went out for quick runs this afternoon in two different configurations of my clothing and gear. I think I have a combination I can live with. 26.2 miles will tell me whether I am correct about that or not. And nothing else will.

All my training and planning is done. I will find out on Sunday if it was adequate or not.

My neighbor has been mowing my lawn all summer. I have been doing all of these training runs on Saturday mornings and have been tired and wrung out. She just started coming over on Thursday evenings before I got home from work and mowing my lawn. I would drive up to my house every Thursday and see a freshly mown lawn and want to cry with joy. She was worried I would be mad at her! I couldn't be anything further than mad!

Tonight I was talking to her over the backyard fence. I started to thank her for that, and I started crying! She started to tell me it was "nothing," and I started telling her how much of a huge help it was to me to know I didn't have to mow my lawn every week. She finally acknowledged that she knew how much it helped me.

Early in the game, I was cooking for her every week, but soon realized that she didn't really want me to. Some people want homemade soups, breads, pies, etc., and some people don't. She definitely doesn't.

So, I had to just graciously accept that she was doing me this huge favor and I could thank her, but I can probably never repay her.

I had to learn how to accept help in AA. It does not come naturally to me. It is a very good thing to learn though. It is a very humble thing.

Just like this marathon is likely to be!

Say a prayer if you are so inclined.

I will likely blog again before the race though...

Autumn is in the Air

Tonight I went out for my last training run prior to my marathon. It felt great. It was nice to be out as the sun was setting. I got to try out my new cap light - and it worked fine. Not as good as my head lamp, but then it weighs a fraction of what the head lamp weighs and takes about a quarter of the space - if that.

Tomorrow I will go into work just long enough for a management meeting that happens every Friday. It just is better if I don't miss it, so I will stay for that and then leave. I have a ton of things to do, like pack my bags for my trip. And probably call the hotel another 5 times to ask crazy questions.

I spoke to my coach on the phone today for about a half hour. Going over all the little details. She mentioned some things I had not thought of. It is good.

I am telling you, I am a one topic woman right now. I cannot help it.

So, bear with me please. I will be back on topic next week.

Thanks.

Sense of Excitement

Yesterday the little nuclear family got discharged from the hospital. They came to my house and picked up their doggie. Things have returned to "normal" around here.

In the mail when I got home from work was the hat clip lamp I ordered online. I will need this for the race. I clipped it to my hat and tried it out. I think it will work fine. I have a big head lamp, but I won't want to carry that for 26.2 miles. This will be easy to throw in my back pocket once it is light outside.

I also talked with my coach about where in the heck I am going to get a bowl of oatmeal in a strange city at 5 a.m. I had called the hotel to see if they had a restaurant open at that hour, and they don't. I thought I would have to order room service. Earlier this year I spent $25. for a bowl of oats in Las Vegas. It was fun, but I would be wiser not to do this. Coach suggested bringing instant oatmeal, a cup, and a spoon and using the hot water from the coffee maker! Brilliant!

Believe it or not, it is details like this that make the difference between success and failure in a race - and in life. A bowl of oatmeal may seem like a small detail, but starting a race without food in the stomach would be a disaster - it would take a couple of hours to find out that it is a disaster, but it would be one just the same. I am sure for a marathon, there are things I don't even know about yet. But I have read books, and I have a coach, and I have trained with her and a group of experienced runners for the last six months. I ask questions and then I listen to what I am told.

I learned how to do these things in Alcoholics Anonymous. When I knew I needed help, I went to a group of people who were doing something I didn't know how to do - stay sober. I read AA literature to learn what this deal was about. I asked one person to be my "coach" or sponsor. I asked her counsel, and then I listened to what she said. I continued to hang out with like-minded people in AA and together we stay sober and accomplish something that we could not do alone.

I am clear though that we could do none of any of this without the intervention of a loving God.

I believe that I am sober by the Grace of God. I also believe I can disregard this gift and throw it away any day by not caring for it. I need to care for my sobriety every single day. Just as I am training for this marathon every single day - even on days when I am resting...

OK, enough of my analogy. I am sure I will return to it though.

I called the AA central office in Long Beach to try to find a meeting on Saturday evening and I think I will probably not be able to get to one without messing up my sleep. Too bad. I would have enjoyed that.

Blogging Malaise

In this momentous week in my life, I don't feel free to write about much.

I have a brand new grandbaby. She is beautiful. I am thrilled. I am delighted that my son is a father and it is beautiful to watch this huge manly-man lovingly care for a tiny little baby girl. I am happy to see my daughter-in-law as a young mother, she is bearing the suffering and joy of the last week beautifully.

I am getting ready to run my first marathon. The website now says it is 3 days away. I am thrilled that the weather forecast for Long Beach, California is actually a few degrees cooler that day than Denver's. My stomach started flipping just in the time it took me to write those three sentences. I have not had time to think about the race since Saturday and I seriously need to think about it. I need to pack. I need to figure out if I have any last minute shopping to do. I need to figure out what I am wearing on the plane and back - and what to wear to church on Saturday night. I mapped out the route to the church from the hotel. The hotel is within walking distance to the expo and the race start and finish. I will take a taxi to and from the airport. Now if only it was so easy to figure out how I am going to ambulate this body for 26.2 miles....

I read an article this morning about a man who is a "legacy runner" of this race. He has run every single one since 1984 (the year that I got sober - and still smoked 2 packs a day). Including some that didn't even occur - for lack of funding. He is in his 80s. He will come in ahead of me. You probably think I am being modest, but when I say I am slow, I am not exaggerating - at all. I am seriously slow. It makes me nervous.

So, what's this malaise about? Well, I don't feel comfortable blogging about my family except in the most general of ways. I can blog about myself - but how interesting is it to read about "ME ME ME ME ME ME ME" all the time? I feel uncomfortable writing about others even very anonymously since people who know me read this blog - and someone left me a shitty anonymous comment last week asking me why I thought it was ok to write about people she could identify. Well, hell's bells - I couldn't identify the person in that particular case, how friggin anonymous is that? So, if I have people who aren't particularly friendly reading the blog looking for clues about anyone they might know - I guess I can no longer write anything about anyone other than myself. And frankly, I am not that interesting to write about every single day.

The community of bloggers, as I once knew it, is virtually non-existent. Dave and I still blog every day. There are a couple of others I read every day. I realize that they don't comment on my blog, I just comment on theirs. So, that is not much of a "community." There are others who write poetry or other seven minute sundays or five word fridays or other such things that I just don't understand or even want to understand, so I don't read those.

I usually blog with one particular reader in mind. A person who may want to read about what life is like for a sober person. Not THE sober person with THE answers. Just A sober person. Just a sober person trying to live her life to the best of her ability, living the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, not perfectly, just doing it, day after day. Living life as a sober person.

Recently there were two new guys. Two newly sober guys who were blogging - and they were both delightful. One has stopped. The other started really writing. He is brand new in sobriety. He honestly shared about that. The bloggers came along and were so overbearing with admonishments, advice, and warnings, I got embarrassed for us. He really hasn't said anything since. What a wonderful way to shut someone down.

Oh, I better shut down now. I have said more than enough.

I hope you all have a wonderful day.

May God continue to bless us all.

Life in Another Chapter

Life changed for my family yesterday. In the best possible way. I went to visit my son's family today. It is heartbreakingly beautiful. You probably all know what I mean, something so beautiful and so touching that it actually makes your heart hurt. That is what it was to see my son with his daughter. Oh my.

I am spending quality time with my granddog. I am not a dog person, but I just love this dog! He is so affectionate and easy to care for. I am grateful that my daughter in law trusts me enough to let her little puppy come and stay with me while she is in the hospital.

I wrote to my coach today to let her know why I have stopped obsessively sending her e-mails asking her crazy questions about my marathon. Amazing how a new grandbaby can distract one from worrying about a marathon! I don't know if anything else could have done the job quite like this!

I am a happy and grateful woman. That is about all I have to say. I thank God.

A Baby Girl

A Baby Girl was born to my son and his wife today. I don't think anyone will forget her birthday anytime soon - 10/10/10.

I remember when my first niece was born and my father said that he finally understood the Biblical blessing: May you live to see your children's children.

It was a long labor, starting on Friday night, ending in a c-section late this morning. I was at my meeting this morning, I left twice because my phone was ringing or texting. It was on silent, I apologized in advance. They could have thrown me out if they wanted to, that is fine with me.

I am floating on the clouds because I am so happy for my son. My son who is now a father.

Oh, it is beyond wonderful.

xoxoxoxoxo

MC (grandmother X3)

Boo!

Today I purchased some ghosties to hang off my front porch. Oh, they do bring so much joy to my heart! I love the fall. It has been hot here until the last day or two, but I have made an intellectual decision to go ahead and act as if it is truly changing seasons.

Tonight I had my sprinkler system shut down for the winter. That made me very happy. I got to visit with the man who "does" my sprinkler system, and is a fellow AA member. It was nice to visit with him.

Tomorrow I will have my last Saturday morning training run with my group before my marathon. I won't be going far. I was scheduled for 8 miles, but after I wrote to my coach and told her how I was feeling this week, she suggested I go 4 or 6 tomorrow. Sounds good to me. That race last week absolutely fried me. It was not the best idea - but then it wasn't really an idea - it was a reschedule due to a wildfire. It "should" have been 2 weeks earlier, which would have been very different.

I am grateful, grateful, grateful tonight. It is a Friday night before a three day weekend. I have a short run tomorrow. I get to see my running group tomorrow - I missed them last week. My granddaughters will be here with my daughter when I get home. They will like my ghosties! I had an extremely productive week at work. I have friends in Alcoholics Anonymous, I may not have always "liked" them, but I always love them. My house looks nice tonight and I am about to sit down in it and knit for a few minutes before I drift off to dreamy-land. By the Grace of God I get to do all this stuff. Awesome.

In a Rush...

I have about an hour before I need to be in bed. I just got home from having dinner with a sponsee. She is a wonderful woman, I am so blessed to have been part of her life for the last quite a few years.

I told my sister yesterday that I had started knitting a baby blanket for her newest grandson. She actually said they didn't want a blanket, but preferred a sweater. After I got over my shock that someone would tell you they didn't want what you were already knitting, I was very grateful. The blanket would have taken me months to knit. The sweater should take me a week or two tops. So, then I can start knitting for my very own granddaughter again. I went at my lunch and got a pattern and needles and buttons for the sweater. I need to sit down now and start knitting it.

I also need to sit down by myself and be quiet for at least an hour a day. When I don't, I really feel it.

My self-care is so rigid, but it has been learned by many years of lessons from not doing the things I need to do. To me it is miraculous that by praying and meditating every morning, by being scrupulously honest in my daily affairs, by attempting to think of others more often than myself, by taking time to be quiet and sit still, by eating right and getting lots of exercise, etc... etc... etc... I can live a good life - without the use of alcohol, tobacco, (firearms), anti-depressants, etc., etc., etc.

God is faithful even when I am not.

JIT

About ten years ago a high-priced consultant came to the hospital and among her recommendations was "JIT training." I felt like a sheepish fool, but I had to ask her what on earth "JIT" meant. It stands for Just In Time. Shheeeeesh.

I am operating in JIT mode this week. I have had a migraine on an off since Saturday night. I have a general feeling of not so well. I haven't run all week. I was sitting this morning trying to figure out if I can get a quick 3 miles on the treadmill - I can't. I will attempt to do it tonight. At work I am getting work done just prior to what I need it for. Meeting at 10? I am working madly at 9:45 getting ready...

I left work early yesterday to go to the dentist. I learned that I have to have $900. (out of pocket, not counting what the insurance company paid) worth of crown ground off to get at a cavity and I will probably need a root canal. Then I will need to pay to put a crown back on - and the insurance company likely won't want to pay to crown the same tooth twice.

I paid that money for that work on the day of my first date with that man who swept me off my feet. I left the dentist and with a mouth that barely worked went to my favorite retailer for a brand new outfit. Oh, it was a pretty one. And by the time the novocaine wore off, a magical date with a man who seemed to be the man I had been waiting for all my life.

Fast forward - four and a half years: The man is dead, found dead in his home after a dreadful last year of his life that included jail time and his face plastered on the television and newspaper. I haven't even been on a date for years. And now my dental work needs to go.

Oh, the best laid plans of mice and men....

Here's the good news:

I am sober

I am gainfully employed

I know that feelings are NOT facts.

I also know that the Weds. and Thurs. after a Sunday race are times full of strange mental twists. I also know that the week or ten days leading up to a first marathon are full of anxiety. This is probably not a good combo. Add to that an intermittent migraine, a toothache, and bad dental news? Probably strange stuff.

It is all good.

Thanks for bearing with me today.

I get to park in the hospital director's parking place today! He is out for surgery and the DON had a little drawing to see who of us sitting in a management meeting last week would park in his place. I won!

Rough Start but a Great Day

Last night at 11 p.m. I decided I really had to take the migraine medication, so I did. I didn't wake up this morning until 7 a.m., and then had to try to get to work by 8:30 - ha! I was sick as a dog. But I got to work and worked all day and then went to my HOA meeting. I fulfilled all of my obligations and I feel good about that. It is important to me to be where I say I am going to be, when I am expected to be there, and do what it is I am expected to do. That is part of being a grown-up, responsible, sober person. And believe it or not, it makes life a lot more fun.

I realized at the race on Sunday that what I thought I was going to wear for my marathon in California is not going to work. It is not a good thing to be back at the drawing board 2 weeks before a marathon. Yesterday I called my favorite purveyor of running skirts (SkirtSports) and asked them if they could get me one pronto! I ordered it yesterday and it was sitting on my porch waiting for me when I got home from work today. The really surprising part? It fits and I like it. I think I am going to wear that crazy purple shirt with it. I wore it on Sunday and it was fine. It was just the compression capris that I realized would be too hot in California temperatures - even though they are WAY cuter on me than a skirt.

I laid out my clothes tonight and had such a feeling of excitement. I am flying to California, staying at a fancy schmancy hotel, and running a freaking marathon! In 10 days! I will be running along the ocean. The ocean! For those of you who live by the sea, you have no idea what the ocean means to a land-locked person like me. And add a few palm trees, I think I am in paradise. I will be such a tourist! Can't wait!

I invited my son and about-to-bring-forth-child-daughter-in-law for lunch on Sunday. They will be here, barring unforseen labor and delivery. My son requested that I make sour cream burritos - what a great idea. Family, a Bronco game, and good food. It is nice to not be running 600,000,000 miles this weekend.

There is so much happiness in my heart tonight. I thank God with every fiber of my being for this.