Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Blogging Malaise

In this momentous week in my life, I don't feel free to write about much.

I have a brand new grandbaby. She is beautiful. I am thrilled. I am delighted that my son is a father and it is beautiful to watch this huge manly-man lovingly care for a tiny little baby girl. I am happy to see my daughter-in-law as a young mother, she is bearing the suffering and joy of the last week beautifully.

I am getting ready to run my first marathon. The website now says it is 3 days away. I am thrilled that the weather forecast for Long Beach, California is actually a few degrees cooler that day than Denver's. My stomach started flipping just in the time it took me to write those three sentences. I have not had time to think about the race since Saturday and I seriously need to think about it. I need to pack. I need to figure out if I have any last minute shopping to do. I need to figure out what I am wearing on the plane and back - and what to wear to church on Saturday night. I mapped out the route to the church from the hotel. The hotel is within walking distance to the expo and the race start and finish. I will take a taxi to and from the airport. Now if only it was so easy to figure out how I am going to ambulate this body for 26.2 miles....

I read an article this morning about a man who is a "legacy runner" of this race. He has run every single one since 1984 (the year that I got sober - and still smoked 2 packs a day). Including some that didn't even occur - for lack of funding. He is in his 80s. He will come in ahead of me. You probably think I am being modest, but when I say I am slow, I am not exaggerating - at all. I am seriously slow. It makes me nervous.

So, what's this malaise about? Well, I don't feel comfortable blogging about my family except in the most general of ways. I can blog about myself - but how interesting is it to read about "ME ME ME ME ME ME ME" all the time? I feel uncomfortable writing about others even very anonymously since people who know me read this blog - and someone left me a shitty anonymous comment last week asking me why I thought it was ok to write about people she could identify. Well, hell's bells - I couldn't identify the person in that particular case, how friggin anonymous is that? So, if I have people who aren't particularly friendly reading the blog looking for clues about anyone they might know - I guess I can no longer write anything about anyone other than myself. And frankly, I am not that interesting to write about every single day.

The community of bloggers, as I once knew it, is virtually non-existent. Dave and I still blog every day. There are a couple of others I read every day. I realize that they don't comment on my blog, I just comment on theirs. So, that is not much of a "community." There are others who write poetry or other seven minute sundays or five word fridays or other such things that I just don't understand or even want to understand, so I don't read those.

I usually blog with one particular reader in mind. A person who may want to read about what life is like for a sober person. Not THE sober person with THE answers. Just A sober person. Just a sober person trying to live her life to the best of her ability, living the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, not perfectly, just doing it, day after day. Living life as a sober person.

Recently there were two new guys. Two newly sober guys who were blogging - and they were both delightful. One has stopped. The other started really writing. He is brand new in sobriety. He honestly shared about that. The bloggers came along and were so overbearing with admonishments, advice, and warnings, I got embarrassed for us. He really hasn't said anything since. What a wonderful way to shut someone down.

Oh, I better shut down now. I have said more than enough.

I hope you all have a wonderful day.

May God continue to bless us all.




13 comments:

Roxie said...

I will be away from my computer for a while, but just wanted to congratulate you on your new grand daughter and to wish you the best of luck on your marathon. Inspiring!

Mary LA said...

So happy to hear about your new granddaughter!

I always read but right now it is hard for me to post comments because of my computer problems. Don't let the thoughtless or nasty comments get to you.

Syd said...

I don't see the continuity as it once was when there were bloggers that I "knew". Most are gone now. It just doesn't seem to be quite the same. But maybe it is up to me to enjoy the new community, albeit more transient than before.
I have felt a bit overwhelmed with classes lately. I am tired when I get home in the evening.
I enjoy the posts from the heart and not all the meme things that go around. JMO.

Anonymous said...

i have just started to read your blog and i love it. i stopped drinking in march this year and i am going to aa and learning how to live sober. how you write really helps me so please don't stop. good luck with your run and thank you again.

dAAve said...

Now it should be OK to start psyching yourself up for the marathon. I would.

I can only say this for myself, but I don't write my blog about anything in particular except my gratitude. Occasionally, some personal stuff finds its way into a sentence or two and I suppose that's OK. I just use my blog as a gratitude list to engage my brain cell.

Anonymous said...

I came across your blog about 2 weeks ago. I have 57 days today. I have a sponsor. I go to meetings. I wonder if life will get better than this. People tell me it does. I drank to not feel my feelings and now I'm feeling them. And it is uncomfortable. I guess what I'm trying to say is I like reading about your day to day life. It gives me hope. Hope that I can enjoy life sober. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I came across your blog about 2 weeks ago. I have 57 days today. I have a sponsor. I go to meetings. I wonder if life will get better than this. People tell me it does. I drank to not feel my feelings and now I'm feeling them. And it is uncomfortable. I guess what I'm trying to say is I like reading about your day to day life. It gives me hope. Hope that I can enjoy life sober. Thank you.

Kim A. said...

I don't post daily like I used to and that is because some miracles have happened in my life. I do post when something really important is on my mind or in my heart. I also dabble in the OSW, Friday 55, etc. I'm not a poet or writer so it is fun for me. I am excited for you and can't wait to hear about the marathon. Just doing it is impressive to me. Have a safe, fun trip.

♥namaste♥

Andrew said...

"I usually blog with one particular reader in mind. A person who may want to read about what life is like for a sober person. Not THE sober person with THE answers. Just A sober person. Just a sober person trying to live her life to the best of her ability, living the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, not perfectly, just doing it, day after day. Living life as a sober person."

That's exactly why I read your blog.

Scott said...

Good luck with your run this weekend MC... I suffer from the very same malaise you do, with regard to my blogging as well. Sometimes I don't have much to say or much time to say it in.

Be well and enjoy this weekend!

Carverlane said...

Well, I know how you will ambulate that marathon...one mile at a time! And I DO find it interesting to read about YOU YOU YOU all the time, that's why I check in here. I need to see how a sober person lives their life normally, with all the ups and downs. Have a great time this weekend, I'll be thinking of you!

marie said...

congratulations on the baby and good luck on your race and thank you for being so real. That is a hard thing for me to do, but I don't want to give up (well, that's not true - most days I do, but God doesn't let me)

Guinevere said...

MaryChristine, I read your blog quite often though I don't often post comments. I don't think lots of comments are always an indicator of how "valuable" a post is. I know there are tons of people who read my blog and don't always comment... Your blog is valuable to me because of your honesty and your seeking.

As a writer I've learned that no matter what I write, there will always be disappointed readers. Who knows what they're disappointed about? It's not my business after all...

I write for the same reasons as you... for the person who's trying to stay sober today.

I've been following your progress on your marathon training... Good luck. with every good wish, G