Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Tearful Thursday

I had intended to make my Thursday post "thankful thursday" but I am just not feeling it right now. And you can tell me to fake it till I make it, but I will do that tomorrow. Because I have to.

Jack talk Thai. Is Thai a language? If so, it is the language that my blogger is suddenly in. No clue why. It inexplicably went to Italian long ago which freaked me out. I am now so accustomed to blogger, I really don't need to read the words, I know what they are. Some time I will figure out how to change it back to English, but it probably won't be any time soon.

Tomorrow I have my quarterly torture meeting. This afternoon after sitting in various meetings all morning, I decided that the only thing that could possibly make tomorrow's meeting more palatable would be new clothing. So I immediately hopped in my car and drove to the nearest purveyor of high quality women's clothing and purchased some. Then I came back to my office and purchased enough things online to warrant a phone call from my credit card company - they thought my card had been stolen. Great.

I spoke with my sponsor for a while tonight. She was visiting with another woman she sponsors who is very ill. For some reason, she put her on the phone with me - which I could tell thrilled her about as much as it did me. We made a moment of small talk and hung up.

My only hope is God and a good night's sleep. If I am in charge of fixing me, I am screwed. I am who got me to the state I am currently in - I am not likely to get me out.

Tomorrow morning I will wake up bright and early and go to a meeting. Then I will take my stylishly dressed self to work, hold my head high and present volumes of data to a bunch of people who will be more interested in making themselves some how look good by asking me some inane question that I may or may not be able to answer - but I can remember it is about them, not me.

You know, I cannot THINK my way out of being self-centered. It just doesn't work.

But God can change my heart, he has done it over and over and over and over again. I trust that he will do it one more time....

6 comments:

Syd said...

I am sure that you will present the data and yourself well. Good luck with it. Inane questions and hearing oneself talk--yes, I know that cadre of administrators well.

dAAve said...

Jack talk Thai? Me no understand.

Mary Christine said...

"Jack talk Thai" is a line from "Meet the Parents" - I thought that might be a bit obscure...

Ms Jones said...

Your words are ringing in my self centered ears this morning. Your last line gives me the hope that HE can and will change my heart too. Just this morning I was thinking that drinking is easy compared to living inside my head. Thank you for sharing and coming from a corporate woman : clothes inspire confidence at least in me they do.

Mary LA said...

I hope your meeting went smoothly. I agree with you that we can't talk ourselves out of being self-centred.

Scott said...

Friday will be a new day (actually, it already is, now) and hopefully, you'll awaken refreshed and ready to meet its challenges.

God Bless and take care :-)