Friday, November 25, 2005

Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

These are things a recovering alcoholic should avoid. Never get too
You see? It spells HALT. And when I get too much of any of these things, I need to halt and back up and take care of myself.

Tonight? I am not hungry - quite the opposite. I am not angry. I am a bit lonely - being single sometimes seems like an impossible thing for a woman married most of her adult life. I am extremely tired and I think therein lies the problem.

I didn't go out tonight because I am tired. I would have liked to go to a meeting and get out amoungst 'em. Be with other alcoholics and get out of myself. However, I came home because I am extremely tired and have vowed to take it easy this weekend.

I often jokingly refer to myself as "high maintenance." It is a joke because that doesn't mean I need bling or manolos or jaguars or expensive nights on the town. It means I need a lot of sleep. Regular meals - of a nutritious nature - not too much white stuff (flour, sugar, etc.) I need to exercise regularly. I need to have at least an hour a day alone to get centered. I need to have conversations with people. I need contact with other alcoholics. I need regular AA meetings. I need to spend time each morning in quiet meditation. This is a lot to need. But the price to pay if I am not getting these things could be my very life.

This week I have actually considered smoking cigarettes. It has been 14 years since I have smoked. I smoked 2 packs a day for 25 years. The fact that I haven't smoked for 14 years is incredible. But, intellectually, this week it has seemed like it might be a viable option. I am stressed out. I am gaining a bit of weight (since I can't run due to injuries), my work is crazy. Wouldn't a ciggie break every now and then be nice?

Probably not!

Perhaps by the end of the weekend, I will have regrouped to the point where I see the insanity of what I have just written. Intellectually, I know it is insane. But somehow it makes sense.


Mary Christine said...

I see that someone visited my blog yesterday after searching google for "lonely married woman", which brought up this entry.

muylajuana said...

You didn't smoke did you? Hope not--they're poison. Cigarettes kill--just as surely as alcohol. I quit smoking July 4, 1976 by the Grace of God.
Loved your post about HALT.

Mary Christine said...

I didn't smoke. But if given my druthers, I would smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, and smoke some more and die of lung cancer before I would want to pick up one drink.

Da Gal said...

I wish you could hear me cough over there.... don't smoke. I will quit one day... I beg of non-smokers to not start. It makes you smell, it makes you poor, it makes your lungs hurt.... YUCK!

Anonymous said...
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needhelpwiththis said...


I found this blog tonight and I come here struggling with all four of the HALT tonight. I'm only 36 days into my sobriety...

Anonymous said...

hey there, I came across this blog when googling HALT - i went to my second AA meeting today and this was a concept that really hit home for me. I see that this post was made quite a while ago, so i hope you're still doing okay.


Jessica L.

Sybil said...

thanks for the post. i relate 100%!!!

Sybil said...

thanks for the post. i relate 100%!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi - I am working on my 11th month sober in AA. I was searching for H.A.L.T. and found your post. Thank you for sharing your experience strength and hope with me. I have been working some long hours and only made it to one meeting this week. This post made me smile. Thank you Sister.