This week I received two Christmas gifts that were delayed due to the snow. My sponsor and her husband sent the book "Emotional Sobriety", and my sister sent the pajamas (FedEx overnighted on December 20 - I got them on January 8). -- I can no longer post a picture to HNT due to it having moved to New Blogger this week.
Yesterday after I wrote about my 5:30 group's format, I thought about it some more. For some reason, I keep seeing the face of a guy who just can't seem to get sober. I just love that guy. I have written about him, with no name, several times in this blog. He has a few days of sobriety now. Anyway, if I were to leave the group, I would no longer see Mike, and not only do I like Mike and like to see him, but his face lights up when he sees me - so why destroy a fragile little tie like that just because of a stupid format. I hope some day to see that guy get sober and stay sober. He is a young guy, probably younger than my kids. But a terrible, terrible drunk.
I am going to try to run outside in my neighborhood this morning for the first time in weeks. It has been warm for the last several days so some of the snow has melted, hopefully I can run on the street. It is supposed to get very cold tonight and then snow tomorrow.
"The person I used to be is always waiting around the corner. If I close my eyes, I can see him. He's wearing a black leather jacket, smoking a butt, leaning with his back against a building and one knee bent. He's waiting for me to split a six-pack and join him in cussing and complaining and cutting down everything from his ex-boss and the Army to the church, academia, the government - and AA. But when I close my lips to vicious talk, the old me gets tired of waiting around for someone to commiserate with him. When I say only positive things, the old me disappears. He flips his cigarette into the gutter, turns up the collar of his jacket, and walks away. He just doesn't want to hear it." -- Emotional Sobriety - the Next Frontier, p. 18