Saturday, January 06, 2007

More #@*& Snow

It snowed all day yesterday. I might be exaggerating when I say we got an additional foot of snow, but if I am, it is only an exaggeration of an inch or two. I shoveled at least 8 inches when I left for work yesterday. The roads were so bad I called work to see who was there and what was going on and ended up crying inconsolably and was kindly told to go back home and take care of myself.

I prayed to God and cried. I called my sponsor and cried. I called a friend (who I thought probably could use a call, I was trying to be helpful) and cried. I called another friend and cried. I called my neighbor and cried. Thank God for God, my sponsor, my friends, and my neighbors. They all listened kindly - they all know how freakishly unusual this behavior is for me. I swear I cannot shovel one more flake of snow. My body hurts so bad. The whole thing. My sponsor suggested I sign up for tanning - I already did that on New Year's Eve - but couldn't get there yesterday.

Before this turns into a total whine-fest, let me just say: I have said several times in this blog that I am "high-maintenance," not meaning that I need to be pampered, but that I need exercise, sunshine, good food, etc. I feel that my life has been turned upside down since the middle of December when I got sick, then snow, then I fell, then more snow, then more snow, then more snow, then more snow, then more snow. I am finally facing the emotional fallout from all of this.

I will be OK, I know that. I so look forward to having my life back. I want to RUN on dry pavement! I want some sunshine! I want to take a bike ride! But for today, I am heading out of here for a 6:30 a.m. meeting. Then I will hurry home to prepare for nightwatch tonight. I bought food that can all be frozen in case no one is able to come. There is virtually NO WHERE for anyone to park their cars. But as my sponsor said, we alcoholics are very ingenious people. We shall see how this all works out. Exactly as it should be, I am sure.

"Such is the paradox of AA regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one's old life as a condition for finding a new one." -- As Bill Sees It, p. 49

9 comments:

Pam said...

MC....darlin'..bless your heart!!
I just can't imagine such "harsh" weather. I don't know how you've gone this long without sobbing. I'm so sorry you're having to go thru this.

Scott said...

Big ole hugs for you MC! Hang in there, and keep sharing, and crying til ya got it all out... and maybe consider a move to Phoenix! :-) I know, geographical cure, not the answer, lol but I had to try. Hang in there, and buy a snowblower! It has taken me until age 38 to finally get one and we don't get near the snowfall here in Ohio that yall get in Denver.

Love ya, hugs again and hang in there, good job calling everyone MC!

Anonymous said...

I kinda agree with Scott -- Phoenix sounds good about now.
Sometime in the future you'll be thinking back on the past month and laugh. (of course, you may be laughing from Hawaii)

NMAMFQLMSH said...

Ahhhhhhh MC I don't think your tailbone is going to get better with you shoveling. I always keep a few extra 20's around so I end up paying a kid or two to do my driveway and front walk. My girls (God forbid) shovel. We have been blessed with fine weather here and I am grateful grateful grateful. But I still long for the long days of sunshine. Stay strong sista!
JJ

Anonymous said...

A friend of Scott (SoberNuggets) is a friend of mine too.

Greeting from Malaysia

Anonymous said...

I feel for you, Honey. Watch out! Here comes a cliche! "This, too, shall pass." I've been through some wicked down times in my sobriety and they have sucked to no end. But wait a minute... "No end?" Not really... They ended. There was no clear delineation between suckage and non-suckage, but I realized I was happy again. Keeping on talking with friends and sponsor, praying, writing, reading, calling, asking how others are... all the things I've learned over the past few years helped me get through the down times and not chase that temporary oblivion I used to obsess over and crave.

You're on my mind. And thank you for the inspiration to get out run a bit. Much love...

Anonymous said...

Hang in there MC. I hope your tailbone gets better and it quits snowing! I have tendonitis and I know how a chronic injury can beat your spirits a bit at times. Add the snow, which I don't have here in Louisiana, and I can see why you cried and then cried and then cried a little bit more....

Anonymous said...

Oh, (((((MC)))))! You are doing exactly what you need to be doing: letting it out, talking to your sponsor and others, reaching out, letting others share their experience, strength and hope with you right now. I love you, sista. Hang in there, sweetie. And remember (get ready for another cliche), what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Sober Chick said...

Glad you have many people to turn to when your soul needs some loving.