It snowed all day yesterday. I might be exaggerating when I say we got an additional foot of snow, but if I am, it is only an exaggeration of an inch or two. I shoveled at least 8 inches when I left for work yesterday. The roads were so bad I called work to see who was there and what was going on and ended up crying inconsolably and was kindly told to go back home and take care of myself.
I prayed to God and cried. I called my sponsor and cried. I called a friend (who I thought probably could use a call, I was trying to be helpful) and cried. I called another friend and cried. I called my neighbor and cried. Thank God for God, my sponsor, my friends, and my neighbors. They all listened kindly - they all know how freakishly unusual this behavior is for me. I swear I cannot shovel one more flake of snow. My body hurts so bad. The whole thing. My sponsor suggested I sign up for tanning - I already did that on New Year's Eve - but couldn't get there yesterday.
Before this turns into a total whine-fest, let me just say: I have said several times in this blog that I am "high-maintenance," not meaning that I need to be pampered, but that I need exercise, sunshine, good food, etc. I feel that my life has been turned upside down since the middle of December when I got sick, then snow, then I fell, then more snow, then more snow, then more snow, then more snow, then more snow. I am finally facing the emotional fallout from all of this.
I will be OK, I know that. I so look forward to having my life back. I want to RUN on dry pavement! I want some sunshine! I want to take a bike ride! But for today, I am heading out of here for a 6:30 a.m. meeting. Then I will hurry home to prepare for nightwatch tonight. I bought food that can all be frozen in case no one is able to come. There is virtually NO WHERE for anyone to park their cars. But as my sponsor said, we alcoholics are very ingenious people. We shall see how this all works out. Exactly as it should be, I am sure.
"Such is the paradox of AA regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one's old life as a condition for finding a new one." -- As Bill Sees It, p. 49