I just read JJ's letter to her Mom. And it started the tears again. The tears started last night at mass. For some reason, it hit me like a ton of bricks that my mother has now been gone (as in dead) for 35 years. 35 years. God Bless Her.
I went to a meeting this morning and the tone was very light - which rubbed me the wrong way. You know, the smart ass guys wishing all you "mothers" (as in half of the hyphenated word) a happy mother's day. ha ha. Then at the end of the meeting a woman shared that her son had killed himself 2 days before Mother's Day a few years ago. And she hates the day. God Bless Her.
I need to call my sponsor today- she had her two older children taken away from her when she was still drinking, and has not seen them once since then. She got to raise one daughter - who is now serving a life sentence for murder. Yeah, mother's day is not her favorite either. God Bless Her too.
Alcoholism is a brutal disease. It decimates the alcoholic and all around him or her. Anyone who says they are grateful to be an alcoholic must be an orphan who never married or had children. I am more grateful than words can say to be sober, but am I grateful that I have this fucking disease and that one or two of my children have it? FUCK NO.
OK, I will stop:
My son called this morning. He also sent a card -which is a big deal for him. I miss him. My "problem" daughter may or may not be coming over today. The disease has her pretty good right now and she may not be able to tear herself away for a few hours. We shall see. God Bless Her. Her twin sister will be coming over. It may just be the two of us, and if it is, we will go see a movie.
Sorry to be so morbid. I have a wonderful life today. It is truly a God-Given Miracle. Sometimes it is just too sad for words to see what this disease does to people.
Total Non-Sequitor: Go see pictures of my new bike and yesterday's bike ride at my photo blog.
11 comments:
You are not morbid. It's a lovely post from the heart. Happy Mother's Day MC. I see you,
JJ
I read JJ's post it was very heart warming. Made me think maybe I shoyld right one to my Mom. who died I think 35 years ago. The dates escape me. Nice bike too long of a ride for me though.
FAEA
No need to be sorry MC! I love you and sending you a hug
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!
I am the wife of a drinker. He doesn't label himself an alcoholic because in his mind that would mean he drank before work and during and he only drinks after or on days off.
Like today. It's only my second Mother's Day and I only scheduled myself to work (I am a hairstylist and self-employed - only a few hours on the weekend) a couple of hours. It went well, but he has a friend moving back into town who also drinks a lot and they spent the rest of the day drinking together.
I know that an alcoholic has to get out of denial and decide to change, but what can I do to bring that quicker??? Nothing, I know...
I have a baby to think about. She needs me and I need her to not feel this is normalcy.
Nah, Mother's Day is a hard one. Thanks for sharing
Mother's Day is a little tough here this year too.
I also dislike that saying about being grateful to be an alcoholic. WTF?
I am grateful to be an alcoholic IN RECOVERY!
Right on Daave! And all the rest of you wonderful bloggers, thanks!
Hmmmmm. I beg to differ on this one. I used to not be grateful for this disease. Key word used to. I thought of it as a curse. The worst thing that could happen to anyone. THe fact is that, without this disease, I would not be where I am right now. I would not trade where I am right now for anything. So, I view alcoholism as the single greatest gift I have ever been given.
Like I said... Hmmmmm.
Aawoken, I hope this is never the case for you... but if one or more of your children happen to be alcoholics and you believe (as I do) they were genetically prone to the disease because of your disease.. I bet you would no longer be grateful for it.
See here's the rub. I am sure I will not be grateful that they have the disease, however, I have very little control over that. Just as I would also like my kids to be surgeons, they might have something to say about that. All I can do is lead by example, make them aware and leave the rest to God.
I do see your point though.
Happy belated Mother's Day.
I like dAAve's approach "I am grateful to be an alcoholic IN RECOVERY!" My father is an active alcoholic walking the streets dying and I beleive that this Dz was passed down from him. I am one to have gratitude for this, because it has allowed me to find God TODAY and to learn to love my Father despite the fact that his Dz is killing him.
I hear in the rooms of AA that some alcoholics came from non alcoholic families . . . . No one wants this for his/her child. Does that mean those woith the Dz should not have children because of the possibility of passing it on? They could develop cancer, or some other killer, or something worse.
If I don't have gratitude for my truth, being an alcoholic then I will risk getting drunk, living in resentment, and dying. I don't want to die.
I do understand your anger is at the disease. It is ok to get pissed off at it, I think it fuels us to take action and help others suffereing. There develops a passion, our primary purpose. You have so much love in your heart and it hurts when this Beast comes for those we love. I hope this finds you well.
Post a Comment