Yesterday I got mired in the self-centeredness of "low self-esteem". I guess you could call it low self-esteem. I felt inadequate to do much of anything and by day's end, I was convinced I needed to quit my job and start anew somewhere else. Somewhere I would be appreciated, supported, maybe even LOVED! Somewhere I would never screw up again. Never again would I make a mistake or fail to follow through.
And that is all nothing but EGO. Ego. What I thought was insecurity is self-centeredness. Someone once told me "if you are self-conscious, you are self-centered." Yikes. I didn't like that one little bit, but I thought about it and realized it was true. If I am thinking of others, what I can bring to a situation for others, I am not worried about whether my hair looks great, or how I sound, or if so-and-so thinks I am a moron.
So today, I shall endeavor to get over myself and just show up for work and do my job. Not worry about what anyone is thinking about me, because I will be thinking about what I can do for them.
"We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity." Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 68