Friday, August 08, 2008

Eight Eight O Eight

Thirty-two years ago today, I gave birth to my first and only son.  He was beautiful then and he is beautiful now.  He was eight lbs. eight oz.  He was born at 8:31 a.m. on a Sunday morning in 1976.  He was named after his father, but with a different middle name so that he would not be a "junior."  

The year he was in Iraq - which is blessedly now over a year ago - was one of the most challenging ones I have faced.  I had to fight to let go.  Let go of the nights where I would wake up panic stricken, just sure something had happened.  Let go of the nightmares.  Let go of feeling sorry for myself.  Let go of projecting into some horrible fate for him and for our family.  So I would pray.  And I would turn my thoughts to others.  And when you are busy thinking of others, you don't have time to go nuts.  I am so grateful that I was a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous for that experience.  

We were recently talking about someone he knows.  His mother was a porn star.  We were thinking about what that must have been like for a young man.  My son said to me that guys say stuff about your mother... but it never bothered him because he knew it wasn't true.  But for the other guy, he doesn't know how that would feel.  

I can assure you that if I were still drinking, he could never have said anything that nice about me.  He probably doesn't even know that was a nice thing to say to me, because to him, he just knows that his mom is a person who doesn't drink or do nutty stuff.  But I know the person who could be unleashed with a sip of alcohol... and believe me, my son would not be sure of anything about his mom if she had booze in her.  

I have been sober for every birthday, and every other day since a little bit before his eighth birthday. And for that I am truly grateful.  

Happy Birthday to my wonderful son.


Lou said...

Happy Birthday to sober mom's wonderful son.

Anonymous said...

I am happy for you that you can share in your son's life and be grateful for it. The gifts this program of recovery gives us are endless! Thanks for sharing this.

Scott W said...

I remember when our collectively held breath was released when son made it back home from Iraq.

Happy Birthday to him from Texas.

dAAve said...

Happy eights.

Pam said...

Oh I'm glad he is home safe and sound this year. All my children have seen me drunk...but my grandson has no idea what I once was. I hope never to disappoint him. I stay vigilent (like you) so that will not happen.

Syd said...

He sounds as if he is a good person, helped by your influence of goodness. Happy birthday to your son.

AlkySeltzer said...

Yesss! A different middle name, so he wouldn't be called "JUNIOR".

And Yesss. One SIP of alcohol, and I'd be a different person, one you certainly would not wish to know.

And Yesss, happy birthday to your wonderful son, and another sober day for his mom!

"Junior" AlkySeltzer

Trailboss said...

My son was also 8lbs 8ozs, was named after his father but has a different middle name for the same reason. I am thankful he never went to war or the military although the latter might have proved to have been just what he needed right out of school. But I can't dwell in "what if" land. sigh

Zane-nawwaa said...

Good for you sober MOM and a very happy birthday to your son. You both have lots of which to be proud.