I am not done with my twenty-fifth year yet. I have 5 weeks or so left in it. I hope to stay sober until July 24. If I had to bet, I would be willing to place money on the odds that I will still be sober then. But I am keenly aware that it is one day at a time and I can get drunk just as well as anyone else. But if I keep doing what I have been doing for the last 24.91 years, I will likely get what I have been getting for that time... that is sobriety. Not always the prettiest picture of sobriety, but it is sober - for reals.
When I think back on this year, I think of being tired. I haven't had a vacation for a year now. It has been my triennial super-busy year at work. It has been busy at home too.
Here's the other thing I think of when I think of the past year. My darling daughter asked me in January if she could go to the 6:30 a.m. meeting with me. I was a little bit shocked, but acted like it was the most normal thing in the world. I love to see God work in the life of a person making the most tentative exploration of maybe being sober... I took her to this meeting of mostly well-educated, well-to-do, middle-aged white people. Yuppies, she would call them.
My precious girl is covered in tattoos and has chosen a very tough life for herself. That life is evident when you look at her. She is very very charming (as we tend to be) and it never fails to surprise me the favorable way people react to her. Anyway... on this morning in the middle of January, at this yuppie meeting, there was a lot of talk about prison, parole officers, probation officers, etc. It was a perfect meeting for my daughter. It was a weird meeting, I just sat back and got to admire the evidence of the hand of God - again.
I have hope in my heart for her for the first time in over a decade. She has been sober since that day in January. Just writing that makes me feel short of breath. So, I think I will stop.
Maybe I am too tired as I try to write this tonight. Because, really, when I think of the past year, I think of being really tired. I have a triathlon on Sunday and I needed to be rested before then....
I am grateful to be a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. I am grateful for the way my life has changed. I am grateful for so many people I love. Life is good. Incredibly good.