Thursday, June 25, 2009

What it was like: Year Twenty-Four

Let me just tell you:  I am sick to death of this.  ME! ME!  ME!  Good Lord!  Enough!

However, I have just two years (days) left to complete my commitment to document each year of my sobriety.  

This gets tricky.  As my sobriety has gone on and I have grown, my life has changed.  My beliefs have changed.  I usually write my blog keeping my readership in mind.  I get a lot of readers who don't know much about AA and are wondering if AA is for them.  People search for info about AA and I have been writing this blog for so long (every single day) and I write the words "Alcoholics Anonymous" so often that my blog comes up when someone googles AA or Alcoholics Anonymous, or any number of searches about alcoholism and recovery from alcoholism.   That, I feel is my mission here, to provide some information about what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now - for an alcoholic - me.  

When we get into the later years, if I am honest, I need to write about my spiritual journey, which offends some.  That is why I keep these cards kind of close to my chest most of the time.  

When I got to AA, I was so happy to be able to choose my own concept of a higher power.  As time went on, this concept changed.  I was finally led very gently back to the church of my youth.  If you had told me that I would have to go back to the Catholic Church when I got sober, I would have told you where to go.  But the Hand of God has led me many places I haven't wanted to go - and then I have been eternally grateful that I got to go.  

My journey back to Catholicism has been one of the most wonderful aspects of being sober.   To do it by the book is something that is so important to me.  The "rules" are no longer something for "other" people, they are for me.  I don't have it perfect by any means, but I am trying every day.  

I have been enrolled in Biblical School for the last two years.  I thought I would become somewhat of a biblical scholar after 4 years of study, but I have to say that I have learned that I could study for a lifetime and not "get" a fraction of this incredible book.  The journey is something that has meant the world to me.  

This is who I am.  We do get to express this.  All of us.  

So, my 24th year?  Well, my son came home from Iraq.  Words cannot say what that was like.  I did blog about it at the time. It was wonderful.  I ran 2 half marathons.  I went to Alaska to run one of them.  I was in a car accident in July.  It hurt my back.  More.  My daughter lost custody of her children and there was a restraining order so that she couldn't even see them.  She went into rehab and went quickly back to meth and booze.  It was a nightmare. 

But I had my Church, I had my AA group, I had you bloggers, and I was OK.  No matter what.  


Trailboss said...

I started reading you when your son returned from Iraq. So told me about it and I wanted to read you. I have enjoyed your blog ever since.

Scott W said...

We were all thrilled when the boy came back from Iraq.

Syd said...

I remember feeling so glad that I found your site. Your journey has been a good one. And now I know the story from the beginning of your sobriety. Thanks.

Ed G. said...

I appreciate the effort and the sacrifice you've made to accomplish this portrait of your life - what happened and what you're like now.

I better appreciate all of who you are now.

Thank you for sharing your blessings with us.

wendy said...

just wanted to say hi...I've been reading but haven't had the chance to comment because I was visiting with family for a week. Now that I have a teensy weensy bit of time I thoroughly enjoy hearing about the spiritual recovery people find on this journey. It took me 18 months sober, almost to the day, to understand what people meant when they said "sober by the grace of God." As soon as I accepted that I was only sitting in an AA meeting because of grace life started changing for me, again. I'm so grateful that my "crew" of oldtimers were patient enough to wait for me to come around. I'm not always a fan of growth, but today I am grateful that the universe sees fit to hand me situations which give me no choice but to grow.

Hope you have a great Friday and enjoy your weekend.

Pam said...

I have always (I've told you this) been jealous of your religious faith and going to Biblical school. I don't know why exactly though.
It just seems like such a HUGE anchor in the sea of life...something so very anciently solid.

Banana Girl said...

I am not looking forward to this wonderful expose' ending. Your gifts are immense and appreciated. Courage abounds in your heart in every story and I for one am grateful that the God of your understanding understood that you were not willing to be a wallflower in any sense, but that like a beautiful flower, the wind and storms may damage, but rebirth and recovery are never far away. Thank you thank you thank you my dear dear friend. J.

garden-variety drunk said...

hi mc...i think i read some of your blog from that year back when I had lots of time on my hands over my christmas break. glad to know he's home and safe. :)

Tall Karen said...

I have been going back and reading some of your blogs to fill in the blanks of these more recent years. What a beautiful journey you have shared with us. Thank you so much taking the time to pass it on.