Saturday, November 08, 2008

My ex-husband's birthday

My ex-husband is 59 years old today.  When I met him he was 24.  In my mind, he will always be the 24 year old football player I fell in love with.  I wish I could call him and wish him a happy birthday, but it would cause more problems for him, and therefore, I won't.  Sometimes when you have caused a lot of hurt, the best thing you can do is just leave it alone.  Please know that I have made my amends as best I could, but I caused that man a lot of pain and he doesn't really like to be reminded of it.  

Maybe if some of my old-school friends read that, they would say "How can you say that, don't you remember what he did to YOU?!"  Well, that is hardly the point.  The point is, in recovery we need to be responsible for ourselves.  We do not focus on the harm another may or may not have caused us, that only leads to pain and bitterness.  We focus on ourselves and what we can do to repair the harm we have caused, and then live in such a way to at least try not to cause more harm.  

I am grateful that I had a very productive week at work.  I have a weekend without very many plans.  I have a new green hoodie to wear this morning.  I have those socks to knit (see picture), and I am enjoying it immensely.  I am going to the 6:30 meeting and then to meet my sponsee at a local coffee establishment (not Starbuck's) to do some seventh step stuff.  I get to go to church tonight, and might get to confession this afternoon.  This is a step-back week in my training, so I won't have a l-o-n-g run tomorrow, just 4 miles.  

I love Saturday mornings.


Syd said...

It sounds as if you are having a good Saturday all day. I too like waking up on Saturday, knowing that the weekend stretches ahead.

dAAve said...

Saturday mornings are great. Especially when followed by a Saturday afternoon.

I am finding that being true to a living amends (as a committment made in Step 9) may be one of life's finest gifts.

Scott W said...

Bunny got sick during the night, so that is what I woke to this morning. Poor pup. He acts so ashamed.

I love it that you spelled Starbuck's correctly, the coffee company left off the apostrophe.

Lou said...

That is funny when you are training, and 4 miles is "taking it easy". Enjoy your week end!

Kim A. said...

Happiness is new hoodie and knitted socks on a cold winter morning! Happiness is also knowing that I am only responsible for my part and that forgiveness doesn't equal condoning--it mean freedom from resentments.

Luved the post.


AlkySeltzer said...

Sometimes when you have caused a lot of hurt, the best thing you can do is just leave it alone.


♥Shann♥ said...

4 miles isnt a long run... to me it still is.. lol oh well I manage 2 pretty good lately ☺
happy Saturday

KarenR said...

I had to part ways with my still active fiance this past week. Just can't stay away from his exes or his 'ism'. In my mind, though, he'll always be the 28 year old young idealistic lawyer I met over 20 years ago! I hold that memory fondly. I know that I will have to do a 10th amends based on my emotional reaction to finding out. In the meantime, I am trying to take care of myself, and perhaps do a living amends by being a person of dignity. One week out, and I feel a little better. Last Saturday, though, I felt as if I were hungover!! Don't want to go there again. So, self care and meetings for now.

J-Online said...

I love what you had to say about making amends with your ex and that what your friends would most likely tell you. It's really a good reminder. Thanks MC.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

OMG i just found your blog via Steve-a-Roni and I am so excited, your blog is wonderful and amazing...thank you so much for sharing your experience, strength and hope in an honest manner!!!
Wow!!!! thank you!