Sunday, November 23, 2008

Sunday Morning

I am still feeling the shock of my friend's death.  It is always shocking when someone dies suddenly.  It kind of pulls the rug out from under me and I look again at my life... Yesterday was a day when I tried to live life to its fullest because I think that is the best response to death.  

My daughter and I got up early because she had to be at a church by 6:30 to take a bus ride they provided to a prison in southern Colorado.  The church was in a seedy area of town. The church's parking lot was in such bad repair that I deeply regretted driving into it and doubted that I could get out without tearing up my car, but I did get out without any damage. I asked my daughter if she was afraid that this bus was from a cult and they were going to take her to a "compound" somewhere.  She told me "no, they should be afraid of me."  Well, when I thought of that, I had to realize, as I usually do when I start worrying about her, that she is the most skilled survivalist I have ever known.  And she almost always lands on her feet.  With everyone around her working their hardest so that she will be OK.  Thank God I am so alcoholic myself that I never ever got sucked into her gravitational pull.  There is never a lack for people who are circling around her.  

We walked into a restaurant on Friday night.  She and I.  I love being with her.  She is one of my favorite people on earth.  The young waiter was practically drooling over her.  He suggested a beer, I suggested to him that he did not want to see her with one drop of alcohol in her.  He suggested that I should have a beer, my daughter told him that he did not want to see me with any alcohol in me... and then she told him that "we are from Drunkylvania."  I laughed, he laughed, other staff in the restaurant laughed.  And they never suggested again that we have a beer.  

Yesterday afternoon, my other daughter and I went shopping at all the tony shops in a mall.  Well, it may be one week before the Christmas rush begins, but I tell you, I am doing all the rest of my shopping online.  I hate malls.  I once went 5 years without stepping foot in one.  I think I shall at least endeavor to go until January without hitting one.  It was horrifying.  My daughter commented that the economy must not be THAT bad if all these people are out shopping.  We were both able to find a couple of things - at steep discounts - and that is always good.  She is always amazed that no matter where we go, we run into someone who knows me.  Sure enough, in one of the stores, a couple of AA'ers shouted out "There's Mary!" and I chatted with them.  I could not remember their names in time to introduce them to my daughter, but she didn't care.  She dislikes socializing as much as her twin sister enjoys it.  

I went to confession in the late afternoon.  I always like to start out a new liturgical year with a clean slate and hope not to foul it up too quickly.  If my daughter had been with me, she would have been amazed to see my friend Barb run up and hug me, she was standing talking with the priest.  I had to tear him away long enough for my pitiful confession... and then we all stood around and chatted.  

Later I went to Mass and cried when I added my friend Russ' name to the list of the dead I pray for at Mass every week.  So sad, but once again, I must turn my thoughts to living.  I saw my friend Jerry there at Mass, but he scooted out after communion so I didn't get to say hello.

And now, here I sit, on a Sunday morning.  I have an eight mile run scheduled.  I am procrastinating.  The longer I wait, the warmer it will be when I head out.  I have a challenging route chosen.  The first three miles are uphill, then undulating hills for two miles, and the last three are mostly downhill.  It is a glorious, sun-drenched Colorado morning.  It will be nice - once I get out there.  

My son is coming over later for Sunday lunch/dinner.  I call it dinner.  But it is at lunch time. I would never call lunch on Tuesday "dinner," but for some reason, the mid-day meal on Sunday to me is "dinner."  My granddaughters both scream "dinner????" when I say that on Sundays.  Well, they will get used to it someday.  I will probably be able to finish that sock today.  It is so cute that several people want it, including my favorite doctor at work - who is a heterosexual male.  Who knows?

Sorry to have written a book here.  It is a combination of just procrastinating while I drink my coffee, and just writing some life-affirming stuff.  I am grateful to be alive.  I am grateful to be sober. I am grateful to be a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I am grateful that I got to go to a meeting yesterday that was small enough that I talked honestly about this death and how it shook me up and made me profoundly sad.  And the others in the room respected that and didn't need to argue with me or spout any slogans at me.

And you beautiful bloggers, thank you.  You amaze me constantly.  Thank you.


AlkySeltzer said...

"Drunkylvania, a small town somewhere in the foothills of Colorado".

Sorry about your loss, named Ross. I must have missed yesterday's post.
Peace, Mary.

Syd said...

I don't like malls either. I would rather never go in one. I'm glad that you got to speak about Russ at the meeting and to pray for his soul. I am sure that his spirit is content now. Have a great run and take care of yourself. You're special.

dAAve said...

I'm grateful for your gratitude because without it, you wouldn't be writing.

I used to live in Drunkyvania.

Scott W said...

I spent my first five years here working in the Galleria, the largest shopping mall in the southwest. Or at least it was at that time. I knew it like the back of my hand. But it has expanded five times over and I cannot stand to get anywhere near it. That whole area, actually, is crazy busy all day, every day.

I went to Target after the meeting this morning. I got black tee shirts and a padded ironing board cover. As I was checking out the checker said, "Oh, God, they are all waking up now." The store seemed to instantly get crowded.

Findon said...

In the UK sunday dinner is at midday. Dinner in the week is at 5.30 if you are posh and midday if you are from the north. Supper is at 8.00pm if you are posh and 10.30pm if like me you are a northerner.
Glad you had a good day with the family.

Banana Girl said...

Thanks for letting us know how you are faring. The citizens of Drunkylvania are with you....each and every one of us. J.

big Jenn said...

I loved hearing about your daughter and your gratitude. Thank you. jeNN

J-Online said...

I did all my shopping in 2 hours...the rest will be online as well. I have about 4 more people and then I'll be done.

I'm glad you are around your family right now and are taking care of yourself. I know it is a difficult time and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Jen

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Drunkylvania, somewhere in the middle of Appalachia lies this most remote and barren place. Great name!!

I am so blessed to read this email, I miss my mother greatly this time of year and I love knowing that there are moms and daughters who still get together, love one another and enjoy their time together...lots of love, I love it!!!

Good to hear you are dong alright and had a good meeting to go to!

Hugs, G

Lou said...

I could very much relate to how you love spending time with your addicted daughter. My son is wonderful to be around when he is not using. Very easy to be with. My very straight, upright daughter is always upset or pissed off about something or someone who is not doing it HER way. Of course, I love her dearly, but it is not relaxing to be around her!