I wasn't going to post today. I really have not much to say. I feel vaguely stupid for posting my life here for your approval or not. This happens from time to time.
Most bloggers really don't care - they just post what they want to post and care little about the response. Probably they are healthier than I am. I have had these conversations at great length with many - most of them have pulled the plug on their blogs since.
I have always looked at my blog as a dialog, not a monolog. I will admit that I have the floor for most of the dialog. But would I get on the phone and talk to myself? no. Would I stand at a podium in an empty hall? no.
So, why do I come here every day and put my life out here? I think I have a mission. But I could easily be misguided about that. Someone came by last week and blasted me for not having a clue about the 12th tradition kind of anonymity. Some of you came to my defense, and I thought that was nice. But I will admit the guy has a point (I am assuming the commenter was a man for some reason). This blog is within the letter of the law as far as 11th tradition anonymity. But when it comes to spiritual anonymity referenced in the 12th tradition, I think I am way off the mark. This blog is about me! me! me! And that is certainly not in keeping with the 12th tradition.
My mission here is to write about being "one sober alcoholic." That used to be my blog name, but then another came along and used a name so similar to mine that it confused even me. So I changed my name. But that is all I want to do. Just write about being sober, one day at a time, and what that looks like - the good, the bad, and the ugly sometimes. It has been helpful to people, mostly people who never leave a comment but will occasionally write me an e-mail. It has been a pleasure for me for the most part.
I am a student of the Bible - I have been studying proverbs. I wish I knew how many times the Proverbs tell us to keep our big mouths shut. I feel like I am not doing that very well. Here I am, flapping my jaws, proverbially speaking of course, into the wind. Read me! Read me! Read me! I will tell you all about me! me! me!
I have another, slightly more devious, mission. If you look on the internet for information about AA, what you will find is frightening. I know that there is the official website. I know that the big book and other literature is posted online. But if, like me, you are looking for personal experiences of people when making a decision about something, what you will find about AA is downright scary. There are people with agenda out there. And they are successful at getting the anti message front and center. I have written extensively over the last year or so about the fact that AA does work. Because it does and I think modern people who use google to find everything have a right to know that as well as all the information from our detractors.
When I looked for a new dentist I used google to find reviews of dentists. When I looked for a car, I used google - searching for phrases such as "my Rav 4 sucks" or "I love my Rav 4" - and believe me, I found a host of information. Not technical info, just stuff posted by people who are feeling something about their cars. I want to know stuff like that before I make a huge decision. When my Passat went to hell in a hand-basket, I googled that and found that those cars last only 50,000 miles - exactly what mine did. $30,000 for 50,000 miles - not such a good deal.
One of my relatives got sober a few years ago. Before he ever set foot in a meeting, he had read the big book - online. He found the information he needed on the internet. He has been sober ever since.
When I got sober, I called AA. Based on what I knew from my own life, I knew that AA worked. So, I called. Someone came and got me and took me to a meeting. The rest is history.
Over the years, more than a few people have read my blog before ever setting foot in a meeting. I don't know if that is good or not. Recently I have gone to the blogs of some people who have told me things like that. I was horrified to see that they are trying to get sober without AA or steps or giving up their old way of life. You cannot get sober by reading a blog folks. I never intended for anyone to get their information about AA from my blog. I just wanted a bit of a web presence for something positive about our beautiful program.
I really don't know where I am with this. I have a feeling this is going to be one of those posts that I remove later in the day. And I have spent a half hour writing it when I need to get out of here.
Thanks to the people I have come to love through this blog. I really really appreciate you.