Tuesday, May 08, 2012
This morning I am heading over to a meeting with my biggest challenge people. I am going to go in there knowing that I am the expert on our discussion - because I am. They have intimidated me in the past and I am not going to allow that to happen today. I can be kinder when I acknowledge my strength. When I am feeling picked-upon, I feel not so kind. They will likely pick on me because that is their nature. That is their nature, not mine, and I do not have to respond in kind. I can come from my own place of strength - and kindness.
I have been thinking a lot about alcoholism lately. I think we in AA view it is one monolithic disease. It seems the "professionals" don't even call it alcoholism (they call it alcohol dependence), and see in it degrees and shades of grey. They also have an abysmal record of bringing about even basic abstinence. AA supposedly has a pretty low rate of recovery too, but I don't believe that. We are anonymous which makes it terribly difficult to track us. AA does a periodic survey (I think it is every four years), I know that I have not been surveyed since 1989. I think their sample is flawed. I could certainly be wrong about that. But I do KNOW that I have not been included in any AA statistics since 1989, when I was five years sober.
Anyway, my point is, I would like to explore the topic of alcoholism in the next little while. The reason this has come to mind is the fact that I am now tracking statistics for this (not being more clear because I do not want this blog to come up in any search), and also because of my former boyfriend. When we talked, it was clear that we were two different kinds of alcoholics.
But I don't have time right now. I am going to go "suit up and show up." And pray for God's grace to get me through another day.