Friday, May 18, 2012

Agape

One of my old friends just called.  I am trying to do one million things while on a break from "working at home," so I didn't answer the call.  And although it would have been nice to talk to him, I think he wouldn't have told me what he was able to say in a message.

He has been sick, I can tell he is trying to get out his last words.  He does this from time to time.  My father was very sickly and did this too.  They both have/had very serious illnesses that they keep/kept recovering from, which leads people to tire of their "dying" wishes.  But my father did die one day, and Larry will too.  Maybe it really is this time, I do not know.

Larry said "I want you to know that I have loved you all these years Mary.  I wanted to be with you, but loved you enough to back away from you so that you could have a whole man, not a half a man like me.  I have sat across the room all these years, all these years, and loved you.  I stopped everything so that you could have a whole man, not some old sumbitch like me who is falling apart all over the place.  So, thank you Father, for making Mary, and making her so useful, even when she doesn't know what is going on.  I love you Mary in a place where there's no space and time.  Hold your head up high and smile Mary because you are one of God's special angels."

This caused me to cry, and I am still crying.  It has been so long since I have heard a proclamation of love from a man.  I have known that Larry loves me, but it is nice to hear it.  I will hold this in my heart all day today.  I will call him back tonight or tomorrow.  But there is not a call back required.  He wanted to tell me this, not to get a reaction, but to tell me his heart.

If you are new to AA, you may think those people in meetings are just scenery, or annoying, but if you stick around and talk to people, you will form friendships that are unique and priceless.

Thank you God that I have had a friend like Larry.

13 comments:

Simply Me said...

What a special and powerful message, thank you for sharing. I also want to thank you for sharing your flowers, they are gorgeous!

Annette said...

Awwww Mary. ((HUG)) It seems that he loved you selflessly. That is an amazing rare type of love.

Grace-WorkinProgress said...

Very nice words for you to hear.

Syd said...

I'm glad that he said those words. We all need to hear wods of love.

Kary May said...

Oh my. Most of us will live a lifetime and never know such an unselfish love. What a beautiful blessing and you are so worthy.

dAAve said...

Very sweet.

Mary LA said...

What a wonderful message to hear. And how good that he could speak his heart. So many friendships in AA are special and enduring, another gift of sobriety. As you say, agape, not eros.

That rose makes my mouth water, so luscious and perfect.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

That is so sweet and touching it makes me want to cry too! :)

What a wonderful spirit love is!

Mama Westray said...

Unconditional love a wonderful gift to receive and to give. I love your site and your insight. Thank you Dee

Pammie said...

Why couldn't the Larrys ever be well and be someone we could love and lean on? Sigh

Ginger said...

Beautiful flower in the picture. What an amazing message he left you. It would make me cry too. I am new to AA (sober since 4/8/12) and I'm slowly but surely starting to form friendships but what amazes me even more is that these people I sit around the tables with are willing to love me for me...faults and all. They are loving me when I'm not able to love myself. AA is so much more than just a 12 step recovery program...it's my lifeline especially right now being so new to sober living!

Pammie said...

missing my Mary.

Syd said...

M.C., where are you? I'm missing you too.