Friday, August 04, 2006

Breaking hearts

View from my Thursday night meeting... and while I was taking a picture of this, someone pointed out the rainbow...

And while I was taking a picture of the rainbow, my friend S. walked up and hugged me. I asked him where he has been and he said "out". I couldn't believe it! "Out?" I asked him. "Out?" "Out drinking?" and he said yes.

And I realized that he didn't look all spiffy the way he usually does. And he usually smells like cologne, but he smelled more like gasoline last night. And I asked him how on earth it happened. He had 5 and a half years of sobriety! It sounds like he is a case of someone who was basically "struck drunk". Seemingly out of nowhere, he just picked up a bottle of Jim Beam and drank some. (This is why I do not have booze in my house and will not allow it in my house, not for anyone.) And now a man who was a really sharp dresser, really fit man, really stylin' guy, is looking rough, looking his age... or older. We stood outside for a long time and talked. On a beautiful summer evening, he was shivering. His lip was quivering. And I hate to say this, but I got the feeling I was talking to a dead man. I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. Then he drove away in his brand new Mercedes Benz and I thought he would be better off on the friggin' bus. Please say a prayer for him - and me, and yourself. This is the scariest damn disease.

The big book tells us what to do. We can chose to ignore it at our own peril.

Okay, I need to shut up.

"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character that stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding." -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 76


Trudging said...

Wow! I think you are right he would be better in a bus!

dAAve said...

NO! You don't need to shut up. I need that reminder EVERY day. Every day. As soon as I think I have my shit together, I'll end up with a big pile of shit.

AAwoken said...

So true! If you had asked me 30 seconds before I started drinking again in '93 if I was about to drink. I would have told you, "Never!" I had my BB with me. Then....BAM!

One a more bizarre twist. I met my wife an hour later.

SCoUt said...

Thanks for this post. It IS a scarey disease.
I had a good friend go out recently and posted about it.
It's very tough and frightening and sad stuff.
Glad you're sober.
Gld I'm clean.
Thank G-d for all of it.

JennaM said...

My husband had 12 years before a slow slide into gambling and now rx drug addiction.

I get the point about keeping alcohol out of the house, but for us I think that created an illusion that we were in control of the world's many powerful influences.

Tab said...

never shut up are bringing us valuable human insights here.
thank you for sharing,the pics too.

Sober Chick said...

Oh my that is a soul touching share MC. Thank you for sharing that, so muh was said in that one paragraph about S and your communication with him.

I need to know this, forever, that this man's path could be mine at any time in my life if I ever take that 1 drink.

Just as we need the new newcomer, we need the relapse newcomer. I pray that S will get this, will have only a hair of willingness to surrender it all again.

A few mo ago a woman shared. She was coming back. Had 14 years then went on a 9 month drinking frenzy. During those 9 months she blacked out, flipped her car, ended up in jail -- these were all new rock bottoms.

Progressive this is, that you MC for speaking about this.

Sober @ Sundown said...

At least he made it back. Many never do.

Karen B said...

Thanks for this post, that reminds me how important it is to keep doing this deal. I will keep coming back.

lash505 said...

I am headed to Denver/Boulder Aug 16th-18th. I love York Street.

DG - trudgingtheroad said...

Cool! "Rooms With a view"

It is certainly cunning and baffling. I fully understand the Bus and Mercedes comment too.

Gwen said...

"This is the scariest damn disease."

I so hear you on that. It really is. There is no understanding it. Time is not immunity. Staying connected keeps me always reminded of that. None of us ever know what tomorrow brings. Live today fully. I too will not keep booze in the house. Why? There is no need.

I am shooting up a prayer for S and for u. ((((Huge Cyber Hugs))))


Scott W said...

Thank you for scaring me today. It will certainly keep me sober one more day.

Did any of those people mentioned here that went back out ask their higher power that day to keep them sober? I would be interested in knowing.

Mary Christine said...

I am reading old posts tonight, and it is awful to read this - because "S", short for Skip, did die about a year after this post.