Saturday, August 12, 2006

Lazy Saturday Morning

Well, this is the last day I can blame my lethargy on "post-race" let down. Hopefully it will be gone tomorrow and I can get back to my usual energetic self.

Today I am going to my neighbor's wedding - well, post-wedding reception. She and her new hubby went to Hawaii to get married in July and are having a reception today. I am happy for her, but sad for me because we are pretty good friends and she will now be moving away.

It has been a time of loss for me. I might as well share this even though I feel reticent to... "Mr. Sweetie Man" is no longer in my life. I am so sad to write that. I don't want to say anything negative about him because he is truly a sweetheart. But let me just say that every single time I try to date a "normie", I end up doing 12th step work. It breaks my heart. He is a wonderful man and I am praying for him every single day. I don't think he was drinking in the first month or so that we were seeing each other (I had no idea he even had a problem), but he has been totally off the deep end for maybe the last month. I pray that the emotional trauma of a new relationship is not what pushed him back into the bottle. I am not going to talk about this anymore. I feel disloyal to him, and maybe even to myself. This has been very very difficult. Please pray for him - and yourself and every other alcoholic. This is such a tragic horrible disease it just breaks my heart.

I am planning a trip to the Western Slope to see my sponsor next weekend. I know I need to spend some time with her and I think I need to get away from here. I have kept very close to her through all of this.

Sorry to be so not cheerful. I am hurting. I know I will be OK as long as I stay close to AA and my higher power. I really wish I still had the race to focus on though....

"We recovered alcoholics are not so much brothers in virtue as we are brothers in our defects, and in our common strivings to overcome them." --As Bill Sees It, p. 167

10 comments:

dAAve said...

I know that you'll be fine because ...
well, because of your faith in your own recovery.
Thank you and have a peaceful weekend.

Gwen said...

Hang in ther MC ~ prayers going out to you and your friend.

G~

Tab said...

There is something being taught to you somewhere in that heartache MC.
It may not surface for some time.
I admire your integrity to keep
this at bay in your blog.I hope you will find a new "something" to focus on but for now,"simmering"
might just be what you need without even realizing it.Your HP is right there beside you though:)
Thanks for sharing ~

Carly said...

MC, some days are less cheery than others. Some days it's plenty enough just to go to bed sober. Prayers for your sore heart, and for your friend too. It IS a horrible disease.

Designer Girl said...

What Carla B said. ((Hugs))

Diego said...

Thanks for sharing.....now I don't feel so alone....D

Diego said...

Prayers are coming your way....rest assured...

lash505 said...

I sure daddy love is on his way. You are cool and a great person.

sera said...

sorry to hear about the guy. comiserations. i think you should join a cycling or running club near you. are there any? they list loads of events on runnersworld.com 10k runs and such like.
guys who do a lot of gym/excercise are less likely to be drinkers. not impossble mind, just less likely. i had a feeling in my bones that this recent guy wasnt right for you, but didnt like to be a killjoy, so didnt say anything. trust me, there are plenty of LOVELY non alcoholic guys out there who are completely disinterested in alcohol, so don't lose the faith!

Karen B said...

Sorry to hear about your break-up, it's hard to do. Been there done that 3 times with the same fellow in the program and the pain resurfaced reading your post. Hang in there.