I am feeling rather uninspired this morning. I could write about the fact that the man I have recently stopped seeing, but haven't stopped thinking about, called on Saturday night - but no, I said I wasn't going to write about him again. Don't want to feed that whole thing. I could write about feeling not particularly well physically, but that is boring. I could write about pulling weeds in my flower bed this morning, but I think I would not bring the necessary attitude of recognizing God's blessings to that right now.... So! I decided to check my site meter and write about what ever the latest search was that brought some soul to my blog. Voile! Not ten minutes ago someone got here by searching:
"How do you know you're an alcoholic?"
Let me first preface this with somewhat of a disclaimer.... I am an alcoholic. I am not an expert on alcoholism, but I am a person who has stayed continuously sober, by the Grace of God and the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous, since July 24, 1984 - so I have some experience with sobriety and working with lots and lots of drunks.
"It did not satisfy us to be told that we could not control our drinking just because we were maladjusted to life, that we were in full flight from reality, or were outright mental defectives. These things were true to some extent, in fact, to a considerable extent with some of us. But we are sure that our bodies were sickened as well. In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out this physical factor is incomplete. " Alcoholics Anonymous, p. xxiv
"they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distict entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence." -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. xxviii
There are folks who drink heavily and are able to stop. But then there are alcoholics, like me, who when they want to stop find they are unable to. They wake up with resolve to never take another drink, only to find themselves with a drink in their hand by noon, or seven, or nine - sure that this time it will be different. This time they will not drink too much or get in trouble. This time they will just have one, or three, or who the hell cares anyway.
At one of my first meetings, someone said something that struck me profoundly. He said "I didn't get in trouble every time I drank, but every time I got in trouble, I was drunk." I never knew what was going to happen to me once I picked up a drink, but I would pick up the drink anyway - with great resolve to not get drunk. I could no more stop the progression of my disease than I could have stood on railroad tracks and tried to stop a train. But I didn't know that until I got to Alcoholics Anonymous and admitted complete defeat. I have not found it necessary to take a drink of alcohol since that day.
And for that I am truly grateful. If you are having a problem with alcohol and finding that you are unable to stop, please give yourself a break and contact AA. There are people there who can help you. (there is a link on my sidebar with information on how to contact AA)