Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Retail Therapy

Yep. I did that yesterday. I didn't buy a new computer, so I can pat myself on the back that at least I spent less than $1,000. However, I did go on my lunch break to the now ubiquitous Macy's and purchase a new pair of Calvin Klein jeans and some very pricey moisturizer for my face. Oh well.

I have lately felt this tiny hole in my gut. I have tried to ascertain the cause of the hole, and I think it is a combination of things. My son being in a very dangerous place (Iraq), one of my daughters being in the dangerous psychic place of leaving her husband, my other daughter purchasing a motorcycle and taking increasingly scary (to me) trips into the wilderness. Then, of course, the demise of what seemed like such a promising relationship (I keep saying I am not going to talk about this anymore, but, oh well). And although I know another man, another computer, more gadgets, and more clothes will not fill the hole in my gut, I still have the instinct to do those things.

Only God can fill me up. And in my experience, he cannot do that when I am sitting around thinking about myself. He only has the opportunity to do that when I am busy thinking of and doing for others.

"I just know that you are expected, at some point, to do more than carry the message of AA to other alcoholics. In AA we aim not only for sobriety - we try again to become citizens of the world that we rejected, and of the world that once rejected us. This is the ultimate demostration toward which Twelfth Step work is the first but not the final step." -- As Bill Sees It, p. 21

15 comments:

Trudging said...

First, thank you for your insightful comments on my Blog. Second, yes only God can fill you up but, in the mean time a tiny bit of retail therapy won't hurt.

kate said...

I found your final paragraph really interesting. I guess I had never quite thought of it that way (never having gone through the program myself but being exposed to it through my brother)

Like many issues with differences or even being a minority... there are people who dont understand or are ignorant to this disease. Almost more importantly though, many people are aware of the disease details but are not in the know about the recovery process and the support network that is out there.

I think people fear what they dont know or understand. So by getting the message out there... you are doing a huge service to the AA community but more importantly to the non AA community! We are all touched by alcoholism arent we... in one way shape or form. So as a society we had better be in the know!

I worry about my children and the genetic link of alcoholism in my family (especially my boys... it seems to have missed the girls in my family but I have 3 generations of men on my Moms side with it...) So if I dont learn about the ins and outs... what to look for and the best way to manage my situation then I do myself and potentially my family a disservice! Not to mention all the people I encounter daily that I am just unaware of that are dealing with it too!


Thanks for sharing and sorry to go on and on and on and on... I have been away for 7 days and seem to be making up for lost time! lol

kel said...

I just wanted to say that I think you and you rblog are wonderful. I learn so much from you.

PS- I hope your Macys had a secret sale yesterday like mine did and you got 20% your retail therapy experience like I did!!!

dAAve said...

I think it's wonderful to have feelings these days, even when they aren't all pleasant ones.
The bad ones make the good ones that much better.
Better than a hangover, better than a blackout, better than the knowledge that I haven't treated another person right, etc...

Diego said...

Wow...awesome...I am with you all the way MC...

Sober Chick said...

Sometimes our old behaviors regurgitate, seep thru, however you are not picking up that drink and more so, you are talking about this.

You still have a strong desire to connect to your God and allow yourself to feel -- all, the good, bad, and so on.

So I am patting you on the back for being sober and a beautiful real woman!

Shannon said...

Thanks Mary Christine for your wisdom...
cracking up at trudge "tiny bit of retail therapy wont hurt" here here to that ahhaha

but you are right too MC only God can fill and only when we forget about ourselves can He...

Christine said...

yeah, being of service and getting to the newcomers keeps me outside myself

nothing nothing has ever filled that hole except God for me

NMAMFQLMSH said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your whole family MC. I relate to the "hole in your guy" feeling but mine is for different reasons. I'm grateful to be able to come by your blog just about everyday and see you,
JJ

BigSkymAAck said...

Retail therapy sounds like fun maybe someday. I am sure i you ask for the right answer God will fill that hole with something far beyond our imaginations. No this year I am not going to SD forget the big check I am trusting in God.
FAEA

P.S. remeber to tell me in the future that I am trusting in God.

BigSkymAAck said...

Retail therapy sounds like fun maybe someday. I am sure i you ask for the right answer God will fill that hole with something far beyond our imaginations. No this year I am not going to SD forget the big check I am trusting in God.
FAEA

P.S. remeber to tell me in the future that I am trusting in God.

Sober @ Sundown said...

Yes, only your God can fill that hole, but nice new jeans and moisturizer feels good! Shop on, I say.

Alcoholic Brain said...

Hey MC. I feel you. I chase my tail trying to fill the hole in my gut. Only when I stop chasing and do HIS will, then a finger is put in it for a while...Love the post:o)

Scott said...

MC, well I can sure relate to how you're feeling. And although you're not feeling your very best, at least you can be honest with yourself, identify and share about exactly what's bothering you. While that may not solve any problems, it sure helps reduce the self inflicted worry and stress... I haven't been around much to read ya, but I am sorry about the demise of the man-thing... And, as always, praying for your son, and I will stop and take pause to have a kind thought and prayer for you, your daughter and your son...

peace be with you MC!

Carly said...

This post really touched me. Thanks, MC.