Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Round #1

Today I have a huge thing to do at work. There was a time when this type of activity would cause me excitement mixed with a bit of anxiety. Lately, these types of things cause me no excitement, but a lot of anxiety. Which means that it is probably time for a change at work. Fortunately and unfortunately, I am imprisoned by the "golden handcuffs" of an extremely good retirement plan coupled with an investment of time - so I am not likely to leave my current employer. But! Someone may retire within the next year, someone who took a job I had years ago, and I may just go back to what I used to do. There are no high anxiety days like today on the agenda for that job. I believe I could negotiate in such a way that I would take no cut in pay... just a huge cut in stress.

I have my "dream" job now. But after 7 years, I am tired of it. It was not exactly what I thought it would be. Isn't that the way it usually works? I have given up on the big promotion I thought I would get some day. In the last year I have gotten comfortable with that. I am ready to move back downstairs, literally as well as figuratively, and humbly work through the remainder of my career.

Sorry, I am sure this isn't exactly thrilling reading. But it is something that has been hugely on my mind in the last year, and particularly the last 6 months.

I am a person who was always a "victim" when I was living with active alcoholism. When I got sober I realized that I had put myself into situations in which I played that role. I realized that I did not have to live that way, that I had choices in life. It is important for me to keep that realization. So many people where I work feel that they are victims of all sorts of things. They feel trapped because of the "golden handcuffs" - which is their choice. As it is mine. I realized after the weekend that this is the reason for my nightmares - I was feeling trapped in an extremely unpleasant situation.

I know that God is "large and in charge," and that if I will just keep doing "the next right thing" and be true to myself and my fellows, I will be OK. It just doesn't feel really great right now. And that is OK.


Scott W said...

It's good to recognize where we are and be OK with it.

Pam said...

I feel that I am in my "skate on thru to retirement" position. I left an Extremely stressful position before this one. Best move I ever made. This "working for a living" crapola sure gets in the way of life....little pumpkin seed.

Kathy Lynne said...

I'm in the same place with my job...been doing it for 8 years now...and I am not the same person I was a year ago..I always thought I'd stay here until my boss retired but now its hard for me to stay another day. I see now I was on the path of least resistance. But...the fact that a month or so ago I was more concerned with how my leaving would affect him and was willing to subrogate my own needs to his and NOW..I can see that I must go and start a new career path to maintain my sobirety, my happiness and my ability to give is HUGE! I know that my future is in God's hands and that has helped me to proceed.

Zane-nawwaa said...

That was a very good post. It's the you we don't always see. Hope all went well, I'm sure the one in charge helped you through.

Trailboss said...

I too am in the "skate on thru to retirement" position. I love my job. I have good benefits, decent pay, good retirement and good hours. I only have about 2 hours of work to do in 8 hours which leaves a lot of time to do other things that I like to do, such as peruse the internet, comment, create a blog, update my blog, etc etc etc. The best thing though is the lack of stress. That is HUGE! My bosses are 2 good friends of mine and all is well. I am very lucky in that arena.