Who am I? What am I doing here?

I am at a loss this morning, so I will just go back to the start.  In the immortal words of Admiral William Stockdale, "Who am I? What am I doing here?"

I am a 56 year old woman.   I will be 57 in December.  I was born in Pittsburgh, PA.  I grew up in a small town in eastern Ohio, named Poland.  I moved from there when I was 14 to a suburb of Chicago.  When my parents told me we were moving, and that I would have to attend public schools for the first time in my life, I made a conscious decision to start drinking and doing whatever the heck else I felt like.  I made good on that decision.

I started drinking in July 1966.  I didn't stop until July 24, 1984.  In that time, I got married and had three children.  We moved from Chicago to New Mexico to the mountains of Colorado.  I did things that drunk people do.  I became increasingly depressed and desperate.  By 1984, with three small children and a husband who needed me, I drank daily, all day long and had for years, and all I wanted to do was die.  I had no friends.  Not one.  When I needed someone to talk to, I got on the phone with my therapist, and then got a bill for the time we spent on the phone.  

When my husband told me we were moving to Denver, it shook my world and I think I made the bookend decision to the one I made in 1966 - I wanted to get sober.  It took 3 weeks.  

I called AA on the morning of July 24, 1984 and I have not had a drink since.  I jumped into AA with everything I had.  They told me to go to 90 meetings in 90 days, and I went to 180.  They told me to get a sponsor, I got a sponsor.  They told me to work the steps, I worked the steps.  They told me to pray, and I prayed.  They told me to get active in service work, I did that.  In 1985 I celebrated one whole year without a drink.  In 1986, 2 years.  In 1987, three years.... and on and on.  In 2004, I got a coin  with "XX" on it.  Twenty years without a drink.  My last coin has "XXIV" on it.  XXIV.  

In the time I have been sober, I went back to school and got my bachelor's and master's degrees.  I got a job at 10 years of sobriety which I still have today.  My children have grown and now I have two grandchildren.  I bought my first house in 1998, and my second house in 2001, in which I still live.  

I have gone from being a 32 year old woman who wanted to die to being a 56 year old woman who is doing everything she can to stay alive for as long as I can.  I participated in my first triathlon in 2004, and have done five since.  I ran my first half-marathon in May 2007, and am now training for my fifth one which is in January.  I am so grateful that by the grace of God, I was able to quit smoking 17 years ago, and have not had one cigarette since.  

AA gently led me back to the church of my youth and I have found my home there.  I am currently in the middle of my second year of a four year program of Biblical School.  I love it.  

My life has changed dramatically.  It did not happen overnight.  It happened slowly.  I did not get sober and get perfect.  I messed up - a lot.  But I did not drink, and I kept doing what I was supposed to be doing.  

I was done drinking.  I had enough.  I was desperate.  I didn't have any great ideas left. I didn't have any friends left.  I believe it was the hand of God that got me to AA, and the grace of God that kept me sober.  I believe I had to follow the few directions given me to just cooperate with the freely given gift.  I don't believe I stayed sober by any great "work" on my behalf... just some cooperation.

I started this blog to converse with some other blogger, long gone, who was bugging me on my other blog.  I realized he was a recovering alcoholic and I wanted to talk about that, but my other blog was political in nature and used my full name and picture, so I would not violate traditions by talking about my membership in AA there.  So I started this blog. After a couple of months, a blogger, sadly now long gone from the blogging scene, came along and then told a  bunch of you about my blog and the rest is history.  I have loved the fellowship of the sober blogs.  It has been wonderful.  

And now I have to get dressed and face this day sober.  I will attempt to do it with quiet humor and grace.  I will definitely need God's help today, as I do every day.  

Let's go into this new world sober together, shall we?