Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Maple Leaves

They are not all that common in Colorado. We are all wild about Aspen leaves... which are truly beautiful, but essentially monochromatic. If you, like me, grew up elsewhere, where autumn meant a riot of color, the green and gold of the Colorado autumn is rather shockingly undramatic. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing like the sun reflecting off thousands of golden discs of aspen leaves - they are nick-named "quakies" for a reason. They shake, they shimmer, it is spectacular. But it is not really colorful.

At work today in a horrifyingly depressing 2 hour meeting, I stared out the window at the cold rain falling on my favorite tree in a courtyard below. I vowed that I would take a photo of the leaves when the meeting was over. I told that to one of my colleagues as we left the meeting. She said to me "it is not as pretty this year." And I responded, "nothing is."

So I will go back and tell you all something that my old readers have heard over and over and over again. I call myself "high maintenance," not because I need lots of jewelry, expensive cars, or nights on the town. I am high maintenance because I need lots of high quality sleep, high quality food - no white stuff (sugar, flour, etc.), good exercise, alone time, fellowship time and other things to keep me going pretty good. I have a tendency towards pretty severe depression. I have kept it away for a good many years now by doing these things. My equilibrium tends to get disrupted during season changes, time changes, and major changes in my life.

Praise God, I do not have to drink or go mental today (or take anti-depressants). But I am not feeling well. I don't know exactly what is going on, but I suspect it is mainly that my system is thrown off by some changes in my routine.

I also know that just because I don't feel great doesn't necessarily mean anything. The way I "feel" is not an accurate gauge of how I really am. I just need to keep doing what I am supposed to be doing and have faith that I will get to the other side.

Thanks for listening....

8 comments:

Scott said...

this is me: So I will go back and tell you all something that my old readers have heard over and over and over again. I call myself "high maintenance," not because I need lots of jewelry, expensive cars, or nights on the town. I am high maintenance because I need lots of high quality sleep, high quality food - no white stuff (sugar, flour, etc.), good exercise, alone time, fellowship time and other things to keep me going pretty good. I have a tendency towards pretty severe depression. I have kept it away for a good many years now by doing these things. My equilibrium tends to get disrupted during season changes, time changes, and major changes in my life.

God knows that's me...

I love this post, for your honesty and your spot on assessment of where you are today. And even more so for the peace and calm I detect, even though you're not "feeling" your tippy top best right now. You're ok with it because of your faith, and because you've learned that this too shall pass.

GREAT post, thanks MC! Have a great Thursday.

dAAve said...

Up to now, you've always gotten to the other side, eh?

Scott W said...

Seems emotional turmoil can upset the equilibrium in psychic ways. Maybe when the work stuff settles you will find yourself standing in the light once more.

I grew up with maple trees in the backyard. I used to hide in them and watch the family. Their autumn colors were astonishing. In Texas one day the leaves are green, the next they are dead on the ground. We don't have much color change and I miss that.

Patty said...

Just looking at those wet leaves on the sidewalk makes me want to go back to bed. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I like what you said about "just because I don't feel great does not necessarily mean anything." So true that the way we feel is not always an accurate gauge of how we really are, thanks for that today, Mary.

I think you would have to be made of stone to not have the work stuff effect you in some way though, it all sounds very sad and depressing as well as stressful.

I have all the faith in world that you will make it to the other side.

Gin said...

The maple leaves are beautiful! I can relate so much to this post. It is one of the reason that I had a hard time with my surgery. When my routine is shifted I tend to get depressed as well. Thankfully we can recognize that and work to get through it and at the same time realize that it is not necessarily the most important thing in the world.

Syd said...

I know that you will get to the other side of this and it will pass. You have a lot of inner strength. I admire that. I guess that I'm a maintenance type of person--I do my best to maintain even when things are grim. The changes will pass by just as they always do. What's left is what we make it.

Ed G. said...

A former sponsee of mine taught me to "pay attention to the transitions in life" - I think it's something we, as a culture, don't do so good at - probably deserves an eventual article to explain.

Anyway, I wish you well on your path from here to there.

Blessings and aloha..

Banana Girl said...

You nailed it for me today: thank you. How I feel is not how I am! I will take that one to the grave. You are so wise good sherpa! I hope your trek becomes easier soon with the job tensions and all. It cannot be easy and I pray you find comfort in the "maintenance" you describe. LU J.