Stuff

I cleaned out a few drawers over the weekend. I found an old purse that I was going to discard. It was given to me by my first sponsor to be used for my first job interview in sobriety. It was cute in 1984, but kind of not so cute in 2009. It has been sitting in a drawer for 20 or so years. I decided to look inside before I threw it away and imagine my surprise to see a little snapshot of my life back then.

There was debris from cigarette packages, and in fact, there was one cigarette filter, just rolling around. I used to smoke Doral Menthols before they became a cheap brand - then I switched to either Kools or Benson and Hedges Menthols. Oh dear.

There was a love poem from someone. I have no idea who. Oh dear.

There was a scrap of paper with figures on one side - probably me trying to figure out how to make rent and car payment out of not enough money - and on the other side, the clumsy attempt at cursive handwriting of my now 30 year old daughter's name. Oh, how sweet! I took it to her yesterday. She is going to show it to my granddaughters, the youngest of whom is now doing those little cursive explorations.

There was a receipt for a few grocery items on my 34th birthday, December 15, 1985. I don't remember the grocery items, but I do remember that on that night, I sat on the curb in the snow and told God I was driving to the liquor store because I thought I was done being sober. Thank God he listened to me and provided what I needed in that moment to keep me from driving to the liquor store. (It was the sudden thought of a woman I disliked in my group - and I knew if I got drunk, she would be sober longer than me.... sick? yes. Did it work in that moment? yes. - thank God.)

It is good to remember. But also good to still take that purse with all those things in it (except the handwriting of my daughter) and throw it away.