This is a photo from a walk around the Garden of the Gods - my daughter and I decided to take a hike when we learned that the homecoming ceremony on Sunday would be delayed and we had 5 hours to kill. It was really quite beautiful. I had only been there once before, and I had been so angry that day I failed to admire the scenery.
Yesterday I went to the 6:30 meeting which was really a great meeting. I try not to rate meetings because then some of them would have to suck, but this one was really stellar. Then I took a 4 mile run in the heat and came home and did nothing for the rest of the day. I even unplugged my phone - which I never do. I was tired. I continue to be tired. It is 7 a.m. now, I am still sitting in my jammies, it was a work-out day and I didn't even do that! I will get to work, but I wish I could take the rest of the week off. I am just wiped out.
I feel like over the last year, it has taken every ounce of energy I had to not let my mind go to bad places. I would wake up in the night in a panic that my son was flying a helicopter over Iraq on a daily basis. I would have a feeling that I had to get over there and MAKE him come home! Then I would pray and try to relax enough to go back to sleep. When people would call and ask me "how's your son", my stomach would drop and I would ask "WHY?" - because I would instantly assume that they knew something I didn't. I would hear another helicopter was shot down, and I would be expecting two uniformed men at any moment, walking up to my front door to tell me "the news." I would start planning a funeral. For all of these thoughts, I would have to STOP as soon as it started and pray and let go and turn my thoughts to someone else. Thanks to the Grace of a Loving God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have learned how to do this. My sponsor and my friends have assured me that I have done a good job.
But I feel like it took every molecule of energy I had and now I am just left depleted. Very happy, very relieved, but tired as can be. Maybe I will see if I can take Thursday and Friday off. I am grateful I have a lot of annual leave and never did take a summer vacation this year.
"Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances!" -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 100