It was 10 years ago today that my community changed. The day was so horrifying, it can't be described, and doesn't need to be - it has been written about endlessly.
I was 14 years sober. I was still in school. I was working for my current employer, but I hadn't yet moved into management. I sat down to eat lunch at my desk and checked the news on the internet, as I usually do. I saw the headline on the national news. Another school shooting, but this one only a couple of miles away. Oh Dear, a co-worker, sitting in the next room had two kids at that school! I didn't want to tell her what was going on, but I had to. She flew out of there, car keys in her hand....
People set up television sets for parents to see what was going on. There were so many parents of kids at that school. It was dreadful to watch them. It was glorious to hear them say they got a call - their kid was OK. No one at work lost a kid that day.
That day, on the highway I take each day to get home from work, I could see evidence of something very weird going on. On an overpass, I could look and see television trucks and vans for as far as the eye could see. It was eerie.
In my AA group there were parents of kids. There was a man who lost his niece. There was so much pain and anger.
10 years later, this community is still not the same. Maybe it never was what it seemed.
Lives were ruined that day. I don't just mean the kids and their parents and teachers. It was like a cancer that spread through the community. There was so much blame. It seemed to creep out like a pool of blood that just keeps growing and tainting everything it touched.
Someone I loved was a public figure and embroiled in the aftermath. I think it ruined his life. I really do. He is now deceased. So many of those people are.
Morbid, yes. But that is my experience of it.
We get to really experience things when we are sober. Fully alive sober human beings. We feel things. We remember things.
And I thank God that I can feel.
(probably will post something a bit more cheerful in the morning...)