I just got off the phone with my sponsor. We talked about all that I am doing. She said (and I agreed) that it is just too much. I told her it was just so hard because all the things I am doing are just so good! I want to do them all! She said that at a certain point in sobriety, we have to pick between the good and the good. We have so many good things open up as opportunities to us, it is difficult to say no to any of them.
I know for many of us, we need to work on learning to say "no." Truly, I had to learn how to say "yes." I knew how to say no. No was my answer to everything. But in sobriety, good things started happening and I had to learn to embrace them, and not walk away. I had to learn how to take chances and spread my wings and find out who and what I am. I had to actually TRY to the best of my ability and then in the process I got to find out WHAT the best of my ability actually is. The "best of my ability" astounded me, because I always felt that I was somehow less than others.
I think it is time to back off a bit. That is a sad realization for me. I don't want to back off. I want to be fully engaged in life, not backing away from it.
Tomorrow I will go talk with my physician. I will get a better idea of what is going on with my health.
For now, I need to hit the sack and I thank God for another sober day. A day when I didn't hurt anyone. A day when the phone rang so many times because I have friends who care about me. A day when I got to laugh with my daughter and go shopping for silly, frivolous things. And that is very good.
Thank you God.