Saturday, April 18, 2009

Vulnerable

Vulnerable is not something I am very good at.  It is not something I enjoy.  I have had a large dosage of it in the last several days.  

First, laying on a gurney with all manner of medical personnel focused upon me... not my idea of a good time.  Then, discharge instructions which state in bold capital letters "YOU NEED TO FOLLOW UP WITH YOUR DOCTOR AT THE FIRST AVAILABLE APPOINTMENT."  Not knowing exactly what the heck is going on.  I will find out on Monday.

Yesterday I left the house to pick up my daughter in a bad snowstorm.  I have lived in Colorado for nearly 25 years, I am pretty good at driving in snow.  And yet, I got stuck.  It was a really terrible, and vulnerable situation to find myself in.  The thought occurred to me that I have a son who is young, able-bodied, 6'5" tall and strong, with a 4 wheel drive vehicle, and he lives 3 miles from my house.  I really could call him for help.  This thought is so foreign to me.  And yet, I did call him.  I told him I was sure I could get myself out of the middle of the street, facing sideways... but that I needed him to pick up his sister because as soon as I got un-stuck I was driving home and no where else.    He happily did that.

And when my daughter got here, I asked her to shovel the driveway and sidewalk.  That snow weighed a ton!  I stood at my door and watched her shovel and chat with my next-door-neighbor... that is MY job, dammit!

I didn't go to my regular Saturday morning meeting because the roads were still not passable at 6 o'clock this morning and I opted not to force the issue.  

My daughter and I went to a movie this afternoon.  I love matinees.  We saw a movie that was billed as a comedy - but was so sad.  It was good, but dark, dark, dark, and sad.  "Sunshine Cleaning."  I would recommend it - but don't go in looking for a rip-roaring good time.  

I am now going to go to bed and hope that tomorrow the sun will show its face.  It has been gloomy and overcast here since Thursday.  That is crazy weather for Colorado.  I have got standing pools of water in my lawn, and all the snow hasn't even melted yet - and it is still pouring rain.  Rain on top of snow is a sloppy mess, but will save millions of dollars on wildfires this year.  

I thank God I am sober and have a sober way of life.  I could not deal with any of this stuff without knowing that God is in charge and that he loves me.  Going to church today was good - today is Divine Mercy Sunday... and I need every drop of it.

7 comments:

Scott said...

MC, God Bless ya, I hope you're ok... I sure know the deal when it comes to being poked and prodded by docs and nurses lately...

And while I am relly, really glad y'all are geting some good wetness out there, I sure don't envy the nonsense that comes with it!

I'm jsut glad you're surrounded by caring family that can help out, hang in there!

Scott W said...

Sounds like it all worked out in the end. That's a good thing.

Banana Girl said...

I hope all turns out well with your follow up. Prayers, J.

Syd said...

I've learned to ask for help. It took some time but I feel okay with it now

Prayer Girl said...

I am so grateful that you asked for help and that help was so lovingly and readily available.

You deserve the best.

It's hard to imagine the kind of snow you had in mid April and I remember what rain on top of snow creates - a mess - as you said.

I will be praying for you and your doctor that whatever the problem is it will be found quickly and treated.

PG

Carverlane said...

My prayers are with you for a positive outcome.

Kim

Steve E. said...

Mary, I commented earlier, and don't remember sh*t what it was. But I believe God's Mercy IS raining (bad word? "rain"?) down upon you in heavy-duty downpouring of blessings, of which you know not.

You are very special in God's sight.
You are special to many, many bloggers...and many, many others; family, AA members, old friends, new friends, fellow workers, and you are special to me, too!

Thanks for being here when you were/are needed, and for being YOU!

Maybe I got this in before the next blog got published?