Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Nothing I ever expected.



My daughter texted this photo to me today.  She got this tattoo today, on her 6 month clean and sober anniversary.  Oy, this was not anything I ever thought of in my entire life.   

She sent me the following message:  "I got this tattoo today for my best friend who inspires me and keeps my head up, who never lost faith in me and means the world to me.  I love you."

Oh, I never lost faith in her.  I never expected more from her.  I never nagged and harangued her about her meth addiction, heroin use, alcoholism, or resulting behavior.  I never bailed her out.  I never gave her money.  She also never stole from me or anyone else in the family (which she is very proud of - and the rest of us are like - yeah, good, you never stole from us - lets erect a statue in the park to commemorate that, OK?)  

I never was personally insulted by any of her behavior, no matter how much it affected me.  I knew that she was not doing this "to" me.  She was doing absolutely the best she could with what she had at that moment - it just wasn't very good.

And now she is clean and sober in AA.  She has a good sponsor.  I know the lineage of these people, and I know how they sponsor.  It is how I was sponsored, and it is how I sponsor.    

I have no illusions about the odds of her staying sober.  So I just relish every day that she is in my life.    I wrote her today "Happy 6 months my little sober sweetie.  I am so proud of you and thrilled to have you be so much a part of my life and BOTH of my families.  I love you, Mom."  

I certainly wasn't expecting the tattoo, and I am not thrilled about it.  But I am thrilled to have a sober daughter who loves me.  And I need to respect the fact that this is how she honors people in her life.  

There is no other love like this.  None.  

17 comments:

Carol said...

I can really identify with your boundaries with your daughter. My son hasn't been in any serious trouble with anything yet so I really haven't been tested. But whether he is in trouble or not, I respect his ability to find his way. His path does not look like mine and why would it?

~C~ said...

A woman inmy group was just complaining bitterly about her addict daughter getting a tattoo recently. She ranted and raved about how she could do this, and I remembered how a year ago she was rantin and raving about her drug and alcohol useage. The girl is sober today. She forgot what is important. You didnt! Bravo for supporting her, your a gem!

Steve E. said...

Well said--and even God is smiling as He reads this blog. Today. Happy SIX-MONTHS of sober living for Megan!

And God bless you Mary, good mother.

Scott W said...

Upside down that tattoo would read WOW. It may not be ideal, but think of the alternatives. Give her a hug from Texas!

dAAve said...

Thanks.
Mom.

Prayer Girl said...

Your second paragraph brought tears to my eyes.

God has created a beautiful bond between the two of you. My daughter and I share this kind of relationship. I pray for your daughter. God bless her new found sobriety. I pray my daughter will find what your daughter has found.

Pray for her,
PG

Syd said...

You love her without conditions. That is such a pure thing. And she loves you. She just has a different way of expressing that love and honoring of you. It at least has a cool anchor on it. I'm not a fan of tattoos either but it seems every 20 something has to have at least one. Some at work have whole arms and legs done. I just accept that their expression of art isn't mine.

garden-variety drunk said...

Happy 6 months to your daughter- that's a very fun way for her to honor you :)

Tall Karen said...

Happy 6 months of sobriety to your daughter! And what an honor. It just goes to show you how proud she is of you too. I just love to hear the happy day stories!

Good job Mom!

Pam said...

Ahhh..girl, You know I'm reading between the lines here. And yes, it's how they know to do things.
Our other daughters would have sent us a thank you note and some fruit ;)

PS: sober daughters rock

Lou said...

I got the biggest grin on my face. It's not like they are ever going to be completely "normie:..and WHO CARES.

God Bless MC!

Trailboss said...

I'm not fond of tattoos either but hey, to each their own. I am so happy for both of you. How exciting it must be to see her sober and working the program. I look forward to the day that I can say the same about my son.

Gin said...

I'm with Lou. I couldn't stop smiling. I on the other hand would have chosen to send a nice card to Mom, but this was one way to go too! :-) Cute, just too cute! Loved it!

Not God said...

Whoops! Comment was for this post, not last.
Made me weep!

God bless you.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Brilliant post, amazing thoughts and great tattoo...I'm a fan of tattoos for signifying those in our life or moments of time that have meaning...I cannot imagine this love you share and am so glad that you do!

Drew said...

Well, you should definitely be touched by that tattoo. But as a mother, I would be even more touched if she went into addiction treatment.

Mary Christine said...

You know what Drew? You should be ashamed of yourself for using my blog to promote your asinine treatment center.

My daughter and I are both clean and sober by the Grace of God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Don't leave comments when you have no idea what is going on.