My daughter texted this photo to me today. She got this tattoo today, on her 6 month clean and sober anniversary. Oy, this was not anything I ever thought of in my entire life.
She sent me the following message: "I got this tattoo today for my best friend who inspires me and keeps my head up, who never lost faith in me and means the world to me. I love you."
Oh, I never lost faith in her. I never expected more from her. I never nagged and harangued her about her meth addiction, heroin use, alcoholism, or resulting behavior. I never bailed her out. I never gave her money. She also never stole from me or anyone else in the family (which she is very proud of - and the rest of us are like - yeah, good, you never stole from us - lets erect a statue in the park to commemorate that, OK?)
I never was personally insulted by any of her behavior, no matter how much it affected me. I knew that she was not doing this "to" me. She was doing absolutely the best she could with what she had at that moment - it just wasn't very good.
And now she is clean and sober in AA. She has a good sponsor. I know the lineage of these people, and I know how they sponsor. It is how I was sponsored, and it is how I sponsor.
I have no illusions about the odds of her staying sober. So I just relish every day that she is in my life. I wrote her today "Happy 6 months my little sober sweetie. I am so proud of you and thrilled to have you be so much a part of my life and BOTH of my families. I love you, Mom."
I certainly wasn't expecting the tattoo, and I am not thrilled about it. But I am thrilled to have a sober daughter who loves me. And I need to respect the fact that this is how she honors people in her life.
There is no other love like this. None.