That said, we had a lovely birthday celebration yesterday. All day long yesterday I thought about the ten years of my eldest granddaughter's life. It was a melancholic look back. The ten years of her little life have been filled with horrible alcoholic devastation. But she is a happy, healthy, funny, affectionate little girl. Maybe she (and her 6 year old sister) have had enough people to love her and step in when stepping in was called for. I don't know. It is just sad what has happened in her life.
Lately I have gotten "stuck" on some childhood stuff that I never before gave much thought. (how many layers can an onion possibly have???) We get wounded and carry these things around with us for decades and decades.
When I got sober I suffered the common delusion that I had not greatly effected my family. It took me years to see what my ailment and its attendant behavior had cost my family. The price was high. And it was paid by those who should never have paid.
"We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked, 'Don't see anything the matter here, Ma. Ain't it grand the wind stopped blowin'?'" -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 82
But I know that we also live worthy lives, despite history, genetics, and disease. God will never leave me unaided. I have the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I have an entire fellowship of which to avail myself. I live in the hope and reality of recovery and a new life.