Monday, March 01, 2010

Where I blog

Lou posted a photo of where she blogs this morning. Hers had roses and a beautiful desk. I was tempted to clean up my area before shooting a photo, but I opted not to. So, here it is. The mess where I blog.

Today is my twin daughters' 31st birthday. They both have the day off and talked about doing something together. That is pretty wonderful. I am more grateful than words can say that these two women - so incredibly different yet both women I am not only proud of, but would want to know even if I were not related to them - are my daughters.

Do you know what else that means? I am really getting old. Lately I am really seeing it in the mirror. I also see it mirrored in the faces at, of all places, AA meetings.

I am a 58 year old woman who has been sober for over 25 years. I am now older than the mothers of some of the new folks hitting the doors. I have been sober longer than some of them have been alive. And lately, I see their eyes gloss over when I start sharing in meetings. (and just to clarify, I never talk for longer than a few minutes... unlike a lot of longtimers, I do not think the whole room is waiting to hear me go on and on for 45 minutes.) When I talk to my sponsor about this, she says "get used to it because it will get worse."

But I must be quick to add that I would rather be saddened by this than the alternative... I cannot even imagine being a 58 year old woman who is drinking or who is coming to a meeting raising her hand. I cannot control the number of years I have been alive, but I do have some say in whether or not I will continue to accrue sober time. I think I will opt to stay sober, and do what it takes to remain so, regardless of whether anyone thinks I am "relevant" to them.

God will always be with me as I journey down this rugged trail. His plan for me has always been infinitely superior to anything my puny mind has dreamed up.

6 comments:

Lou said...

C'mon, it's not that messy!

Happy Birthday to the daughters! I can so relate to loving both children--for their similarities, and their God given differences. What a colorless world it would be if everyone were perfect.

Don't worry if the eyes gloss over. Maybe one of them will hear what they need. For everything else there is Botox.

dAAve said...

Just a few months after I stopped drinking, I figured out (all by myself) that the longer I could stay sober, the older I would get. So far, this continues to be true.
I usually enjoy listening to "old timers" because their wisdom and experience can be wonderful teachers.

Syd said...

It looks good to me. I'll post where I blog sometime this week. It may just be my Mac sitting on a bed at this point!
I'm starting to get some smile lines around the eyes. My wife loves them. I can see some gray hair coming around the temples too. It is what it is. My body and mind are in good shape. So I'm a happy camper with that.
Glad that the daughters had a good celebration.

pinafive said...

long-time lurker, i just got a blogger account so i could officially follow you, i've found your posts really inspiring. i'm struggling with sobriety, currently 23 days sober after a relapse. i go to AA regularly but i need to find a sponsor and start working on the 'meat' of the steps.

happy birthday to your daughters. oddly enough, i turn 31 on sunday march 7. with the grace of my HP i will have a sober birthday. i will be requiring a large and delicious cake, though.

Pam said...

The girls wanting to be together is so wonderful Mary.
I like the lamp.
I'm going to write about being old on my blog today I think.

Ed G. said...

I think it's wonderful that you get to see and acknowledge what's precious in your and others' lives. To become a longtimer, you just have to not drink and not die. Sometimes, one of those is harder than the other, IMLTHO.

Blessings and aloha...