The day was just so jam-packed with stuff, I just don't know how I feel - other than tired. I could just decide to be grateful, and that is good. But I think there is an underlying sadness that would be good to acknowledge.
My heart is breaking for more than one person. I am struck by how we cannot make an intellectual decision to be done drinking. It is not a function of the intellect. If busy resolutions worked, we all would have been sober years before we got beat up as badly as we did. It is a deep surrender, a deep knowing that it is over. Done. There is no place else to go.
When I got to AA, I was so grateful to be with people who did not judge me or look at me as a fallen woman. They just understood me, reached out to me and treated me like I belonged. Because truly I did. For the first time in my life, I belonged.
And now I belong so many places it makes my head spin. So I need to put it on my pretty little pillow. Grateful for another sober day.