I will go out and run my four miles this morning. Perhaps that will lighten my mood. I am profoundly discouraged this morning.
About a month or six weeks ago, I had made the decision to quit blogging. I prayed about it. God sent to me a woman, a terrible drunk, in despair. I took that as a message that my blog had a mission. So, I persevered - happily. This has not worked out as I had hoped for her. And now I have upset her.
I have thought and prayed about this for the past 12 hours or so. I have even lost sleep over this. Is this a personal affront to me? No. I have never met this woman. I have no investment in whether she goes to AA. But I do care about her because she is another alcoholic - just like me.
God bless her. God bless them all. I wish them all the best. Really I do.
I know that AA does not claim to have the only answer to alcoholism.
It is just that in my 25 + years of experience in AA, I have watched too many people waltz out the door with their magical answer, only to go to their funerals later. I wish this were not so. I wish it with all my heart.
I also wish I had a blog with a pretty little incoherent blather about how happy I am and how much I love everyone. But alas, that is not me.
I have pretty much one message.
I was a terrible drunk. I drank daily for 18 years. I could not stop. I tried on my own for years and years, and could not do it. One day, I picked up the phone and called Alcoholics Anonymous. That day was July 24, 1984. I have not had a drink since that day. I believe that God did for me what I could not do for myself - and got me to AA, where I was able to get the help I needed. A huge part of that help - for me - was to help others.
The Grace of God and the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous.... that's my message.
I have edited this post. I have upset the woman I wrote about and for that I am deeply sorry.